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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25473841">you're not next before forever</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/all_forylee_the_game/pseuds/all_forylee_the_game'>all_forylee_the_game</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>All For The Game - Nora Sakavic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Amnesia, Andrew gets arrested, Angst, F/F, Hurt Neil Josten, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Protective Andrew Minyard, here is a tag to add to my tags, my author notes are better, shocker I know, some renison, this is it, you ask what i have done?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 11:55:18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>28,939</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25473841</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/all_forylee_the_game/pseuds/all_forylee_the_game</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Andrew could practically feel Neil’s smile from across the court yet that wasn’t what he was thinking about. Exy was considered a violent sport not just because of how people played during the game.</p><p>Andrew was moving before anything happened and yelled at Neil to turn the fuck around from where he was talking with his sub. Or even run for fuck’s sake. If there was ever a time Andrew had wanted Neil to run, that would be it.<br/>-<br/>Neil gets badly hurt during an exy game. Andrew gets arrested. Almost everything goes to hell.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>66</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>379</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. the only option is not leaving</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi hello!<br/>welcome to this fic<br/>i love andriel protecting each other but that's hard when they are both death-magnets (well, Neil more than Andrew) and completely in love </p><p>second/more chapters depend on whether you all want them<br/>there would be some twinyard vibes, other Foxes would make an appearance, more renison, Andrew and Neil angst and fluff, and a question between them<br/></p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: violence, light reference to Andrew's past abuse, light reference to Neil's past abuse, explicit language.</p><p>here is chapter one<br/>if you like it, let me know! (if this isn't your vibe, that's cool too)<br/>if you would like me to continue, let me know!<br/>i hope you enjoy<br/>ok. see you at the bottom</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>It was just past halftime at the semifinals game of the season. Their coach, Morgan, wasn’t leaving any room for a loss, so he had decided to make Andrew, Neil, and a few others play full halves. It didn’t really bother Andrew because their defense was actually respectable and the shots that made it to the goal were just short of pathetic. Neil had already scored seven points that game and Andrew could tell by the move of his lips that he was having a great time bad-mouthing every single person who glanced at him the wrong way. Neil’s backliner, Jason, who Neil kept out-stepping, was clearly not having as much fun with Neil as he was. Though, that didn’t stop Jason from throwing shit at Neil.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew internally snorted as Jason stupidly decided to flip Neil off. People really should have known by then that Neil doesn’t back down when talked against. If everyone just shut the hell up, the problem that was Neil Josten’s mouth would be much less annoying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew was ready to sit down in the goal with their lead of thirteen to nothing. He doubted that Morgan was going to continue playing his best players and increase their risk of injury, anyways. Andrew saw him signal to him and Neil that he was going to rotate people at the end of that play. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neil glanced at Andrew in question and Andrew rolled his eyes before he responded with a two-fingered salute. He could tell that Neil wanted to go out with a bang - because, you know, having scored the most points per-person out of everyone on the court wasn’t enough. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fucking junkie.</span>
  <em>
    
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew knew all too well that Neil was grinning like an idiot from behind his helmet. Andrew then looked to Logan, their offensive dealer, and signaled to send the ball his way. She nodded and sent him an excited smile. Seriously, too many people on that team were obsessed with the sport. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The play started and Andrew caught the ball off the dealer. He assumed that Neil would have run at least a third up the cour by then so he slammed the ball just in front of Neil, causing him to run a little farther. He did it just to be contradictory, and if he happened to know that Neil had wanted the extra challenge, no one needed to know. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew threw his racquet over his shoulders knowing that there was a greater chance of Kevin quitting exy than there was of the ball coming back down the court towards him. He watched as Neil snagged the ball and sprinted up the court before throwing it across to the other striker. She held onto the ball for a few seconds then sent it back. Neil’s backliner had gained on him which caused Neil to throw the ball again and catch it on the rebound. The backliner was right on his heels and Neil cut left at the last second, causing Jason to slam right into the plexiglass. Neil then fucking jumped over his body and threw the ball right out of his next. The goal lit up red. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew could practically feel Neil’s smile from across the court yet that wasn’t what he was thinking about. Exy was considered a violent sport not just because of how people played </span>
  <em>
    <span>during</span>
  </em>
  <span> the game.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew was moving before anything happened and yelled at Neil to turn the fuck around from where he was talking with his sub. Or even run for fuck’s sake. If there was ever a time Andrew had wanted Neil to run, that would be it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neil looked at Andrew with his eyebrows drawn but he was a second too later. Jason aggressively pushed himself off the ground and made for Neil. Andrew shoved past his team’s backliners just in time to see Jason grab Neil shoulders and throw him into the plexiglass. The whole wall shook from the contact. Jason then clutched the grate of Neil's helmet and slammed it against the wall before Neil could react. He slammed it again and again until Neil’s body went limp before crumpling to the ground. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew very rarely felt more than three emotions and never had he ever felt that </span>
  <em>
    <span>much</span>
  </em>
  <span> at one time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew’s attention snapped away from Jason when he saw people swarming Neil. He shoved his way into the circle of people and saw that two of them already had their hands on Neil. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neil was </span>
  <em>
    <span>his</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Throwing them both off and not giving a single shit about how hard they hit the ground, Andrew dropped to his knees next to Neil’s head. He unhooked Neil's helmet and watched his head lull against the court. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew felt like he was suffocating. The last time he had felt like that was with Drake and </span>
  <em>
    <span>even then </span>
  </em>
  <span>it was muted by his manic drugs. Andrew knew that only two emotions could make him feel that way. He also knew that he was angry. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Neil,” Andrew said. No response. Someone else reached out and Andrew landed them with a glare that had them flinching away. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Neil.” Nothing. Andrew fukcing hoped he was imagining the skin darkening around Neil’s eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Abram,” Andrew said. That usually snapped him out of a panic attack in seconds and Neil was almost a lighter sleeper than Andrew. “Fuck, Neil. You’re not allowed to go like this. Not to this fucking sport.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew ignored the stares boring into his back as he said that. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Minyard.” Andrew heard someone speak from somewhere behind him. “We need you to move. I’m Dolly, a parametric.” As much as he didn’t want someone touching Neil, it didn’t fucking matter if he was dead, did it? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew moved over but didn’t leave Neil. Three parametics kneeled down next to him and started going through a series of practices with a fucking unresponsive Neil. His chest was barely rising. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dolly reached out to Neil and Andrew clamped a hand over her wrist. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What do you need.” He didn’t word it as a question. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We need to get him on the stretcher,” Dolly responded but must have seen something in Andrew’s eyes because she didn’t move yet. Andrew took a breath. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Try not to touch his skin. If he wakes up and there are hands on him, he will shut back down,” Andrew said and she nodded. He clenched his fists by his sides as he watched them load Neil onto the stretcher. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m coming with you,” Andrew said and another parametric scoffed. Fuck them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you family?” they asked and with a pointed look at his jersey. Dolly glanced at him apologetically. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re going to North Western hospital. Probably third floor,” she said as she started to roll Neil away. Andrew felt like the inside of him was shredding itself apart. He took a breath as someone went to place a hand on his shoulder and he swung at them, knowing who it was and that she would have no problem dodging. Logan, the offensive dealer, was the only other person he could stand on the team. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew started walking off the court when he noticed a dead-man-walking. Andrew turned left, shoved a ref out of the way and looked at Jason with the deadliest look he could - it didn’t take any effort. He swore that he almost saw a smile. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This is phase one,” Andrew said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He swung up for Jason and landed a punch right across his nose with a satisfying crunch. Jason lashed out but Andrew wrenched his hand into a death grip, fingers digging into his pulse point. He then hit Jason’s face again, and again, and again, until it and a firetruck had an unnatural resemblance in color. Andrew threw a punch right into his diaphragm and watched as Jason doubled over. Andrew then grabbed him in a headlock as he slid a knife into his hand. If Andrew happened to find some relief in Jason’s blood dripping the court floor, no one had to know. Andrew leaned close to his ear.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If he doesn’t wake up, I will bury you alive.” Andrew had never really been a person for torture. The thought didn’t bother him then. He dragged his knife lightly up Jason’s arm as he let him go. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew turned and wiped the blood off his knife with his glove as a warning to anyone stupid enough to try him before sliding it back up his armband. Andrew knew what was coming, but figured he would try to walk off the court unbothered anyway. He watched out of the corner of his eye as Logan made a shitty attempt at stopping the court security. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew tried to slow his breathing as he felt hands come on his arms and wrench his wrists back. He prepared himself for when his back knee was knocked in and took another breath as he felt hands click cuffs around his wrists. Andrew’s breathing sped up exponentially as one of the security guards put a hand on his back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He needed to get out of there and he fucking needed to get to Neil. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The hand left his back a few seconds after and he heard Logan yell at security that Andrew wouldn’t be a problem if they just stopped fucking touching him. She was the only person on the team who had put it together why he had a problem with people touching him. Andrew heard another noise and he looked over his shoulder at Logan.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Logan,” Andrew said and her eyes immediately snapped to him. “Just get to Neil.” He couldn’t hide the second emotion he was feeling from his voice. “Don’t let people touch him unless it’s necessary. Call Wymack, my phone is in my bag. Then call Renee, and Matt.” Andrew trusted Renee more than Matt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, ok. What about you-” Logan said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go to Neil. Tell him that I’m going to kill him,” Andrew said. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Don’t let him die,</span>
  </em>
  <span> was what he didn’t say. Logan took a breath and nodded. She apologized for yelling at the security  with no emotion in her voice as she ran off the court. He could barely watch her go. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew was dragged out of his thoughts as he felt a hand on his arm. He rolled his shoulders as he stood up and  followed the court security out to their car. One of them told Andrew to get in and he looked up at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you really think that I’ve never fucking been in one of these bofore?” Andrew deadpanned. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>His control was so far gone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The only thing he could think about on the way to the station was Neil in a hospital room, unconscious, with strangers touching him. He watched Neil’s head slamming against the wall and him collapsing on fucking repaly. All he could feel were the only two emotions that could make him feel like he was drowning. </span>
</p><p>-</p><p>
  <span>Renee was sitting with Allison on her mom’s porch. She and Allison had been together for almost a year, so Renee thought that it only made sense to invite her to see her mom. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She had her legs thrown across Allison’s lap as they planned a trip to the beach tomorrow. Renee put down her cup of tea after her phone started ringing and turned the screen to Allison in explanation.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come on, Renee. The monster will live until tomorrow if you don’t pick up,” Allison groaned and Renee shot her a sharp look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There’s only four more hours until tomorrow, and he’s not a monster,” Renee said. “Andrew and I are close. You’ve known this for years.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, I have. I’m just saying that your mouth could be doing so many other things instead of talking on the phone.” Allison shrugged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Allison!” Renee yelled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey. I could have just meant talking. You’re the one who made it dirty,” Allison mumbled and Renee exhaled a laugh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Just give me a minute?” Allison dramatically rolled her eyes and flippantly gestured at her. Renee flipped her off and smiled at Allison’s laugh to the gesture. Renee put the phone to her ear. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello, Andrew. What’s up?” Renee asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-Hi. Not Andrew. Logan,</span>
  </em>
  <span> someone - Logan - said from the other line. Renee could feel Allison’s eyes on her the second her face dropped. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where’s Andrew? Is he ok?” Renee asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-No, but that's not the problem. I need you to get here, now. Can you do that? </span>
  </em>
  <span>Renee could faintly hear Allison asking her what was wrong. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes. What’s wrong?” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-I need you to not think about Andrew right now. </span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s wrong.” She didn’t word it as a question. That was one thing she had picked up from Andrew. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-A backliner got mad at Neil in the game and beat him unconscious. He’s in the hospital. Andrew told me to call you. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit. Ok. Is he ok?” Renee asked. She made a mental note to fix the swearing problem later. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-I don’t know yet. Andrew is really worried that if he wakes up and he’s in a hospital without anyone he knows- </span>
  </em>
  <span> Renee bit her lip when the voice on the other line waivered. She also didn’t miss the use of ‘if’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where do I need to be?”  </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-North Eastern. New York. </span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok, thank you. Logan?” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-What. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Renee noted that she must have spent time with Andrew, too. The thought did nothing to relax her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why isn’t Andrew with him?” </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-I’ll take care of that. Just go- </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why isn’t Andrew with him.” Renee said it much more firmly that time. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-They wouldn’t let him in the fucking ambulance because he isn’t family. He then threw a few punches at the person who hurt Neil and now he’s in jail.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Renee sucked in a breath. Renee knew what ‘a few punches’ meant with Andrew. </span>
  <em>
    <span>The best way to help- </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is through Neil. I know. I can be with Neil in three hours but the second I get there I want you to make sure Andrew is ok. Not an option.” Renee knew that Andrew could easily hold his own, but that wasn’t going to stop her.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>-I fucking will. </span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>Renee hung up the phone and Allison looked like she was ready to punch someone. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the hell is wrong, Walker?” Allison asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A backliner beat Neil unconscious-” Allison was already moving towards the car with her keys out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Keep talking,” Allison said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Andrew got arrested. He’s worried that Neil might wake up and freak out because of the hospital. That was his teammate saying that Andrew told her to call us,” Renee said. She was barely in the car before Allison started pulling out. Renee fell so much more in love with her. “North Eastern Hospital in NewYork.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You said ‘might’?” Allison asked with a sharp look at Renee and she nodded. “This can’t happen.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Renee said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. This can’t happen to him,” Allison yelled and Renee sucked in a breath. “He can’t fucking die, Renee.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know.” Renee put her face in her hands and thought of the only thing that she could do at that moment. She started praying. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Renee felt a hand on hers and she grabbed Allsion’s hand before continuing. She knew how strong Allison was and Allison was staring at the road as if concentrating on it hard enough would stop time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I love you,” Renee said and Allison squeezed her hand. She didn’t look scared yet Renee knew her well enough to understand that she didn’t need to look scared to be fucking petrified. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why not me?” Allison mumbled. Renee looked away. </span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>and hi hello again some few thousand words later<br/>i hope you liked it and let me know if you did!<br/>if you would like me to continue, let me know that also! </p><p>thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. the worst thing i ever let you do</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW: mentions Andrew's past abuse, suicidal thoughts, referenced and implied violence.<br/>*don't hesitate to let me know if there are any more to add*</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi hello!<br/>my apologies for how long this chapter took - this is not my usual updating pace. sorry! </p><p>well here is it<br/>it is packed with a hell of a lot of emotion<br/>i hope you like it!<br/>i will see you at the bottom.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Andrew glared at the pig that had locked him in the holding cell. To be honest, it was better than other ones he had stayed in. A little more spacious. Yet did Andrew give a shit? No.</p><p>It was funny how the one person that was capable of keeping Andrew from falling off the face of the Earth could also be the one to shut him down. Andrew knew that it was entirely his fault. That he had been the one who let Neil become that important to him. The sick irony of it all wasn’t lost on him.  </p><p>“Minyard,” the cop said. “What were you thinking?” </p><p>“He beat someone unconscious. I did less to him than what he deserved,” Andrew said. His patience was so far gone that it was probably is fucking Fiji at that point. The pig scowled at  him. </p><p>“Geez. Depending on your criminal record and injuries of said person, you will either be released on probation or go to jail,” the cop said. Andrew’s main focus was getting to Neil. Probably his fucking existence depended on getting to Neil. So, no, Andrew didn't immediately discarded the idea that would likely get him thrown back in jail but out of his current situation quicker.</p><p>The question was whether or not it would work, and really, Andrew was out of options.</p><p>"Do you watch Exy?" Andrew asked. If only Kevin could see him now...</p><p>"Nope," the cop answered while Andrew contemplated how stupid his next idea was yet decided to do it anyway.</p><p>“What’s your name?” he asked. </p><p>“Officer Benson,” the pig responded as he turned to his computer. “I need your name and date of birth.” </p><p>“Aaron Minyard,” Andrew said. “11, 04, 1985.” </p><p>“Well,” Benson said. “You’re completely clean except for,” he paused, reading, “killing someone out of self defense.” </p><p>“Yes,” Andrew replied and worked his jaw for what he was going to say next. “He raped my brother. What could I have done? I would kill him again if I had the option to.” Andrew added that last sentence because it was exactly what he knew Aaron would say. The first part was to play entirely on the pig’s emotions. Andrew wouldn’t have said it if he was in a reasonable state of mind.  </p><p>He also thought that by the time Benson checked to make sure he was Aaron, he would be long gone. </p><p>“I’m so sorry,” Benson said and Andrew just stared at him. “With nothing else on your record, you will likely be released on probation. We could have you out of here tonight.” </p><p>“Phone,” Andrew said and the cop just looked at him. “I get a call. I want it now.” Benson rolled his eyes and handed him a phone. </p><p>“Make it short and sweet,” Benson said. </p><p>Andrew contemplated calling Wymack or Aaron but he figured that Wymack could get to the hospital quicker than the station and Neil needed him more. Not if he was dead, though. It didn’t matter. </p><p>Andrew really hated his own head. </p><p><em> -What’s wrong? </em>Aaron asked. He had picked up on the first ring. </p><p>“Hi, Andrew. I got arrested and I need you to come pick me up,” Andrew said. </p><p><em> -What the actual fuck? </em> </p><p>“Andrew. I need you to pick me up, now.” Andrew let the warning slip into his voice. </p><p><em> -Where are you? </em> </p><p>“Metropolitan Correctional Center.” </p><p><em> -I’ll be there in twenty. </em> </p><p>Andrew’s mind played an amazing number of sick tricks on him for the whole twenty minutes until Aaron came bursting through the door. He had known for a very long time that sticking him with the perfect memory was torture. </p><p>“What the hell, Aaron? I thought I was the criminal of the family,” Aaron said. Andrew glared at him. </p><p>“My bad. I was too busy kissing my cheerleader to notice,” Andrew responded and Aaron looked livid. Andrew couldn’t even find enjoyment in it. </p><p>They were on the road fifteen minutes later. </p><p>“North Eastern Hospital,” Andrew said. </p><p>“What the hell happened?” Aaron asked and Andrew didn’t respond until the car was moving at a speed that was unreasonably above the limit. </p><p>“Backliner attacked Neil until he crumpled to the floor. I returned the favor then got arrested,” Andrew said. </p><p>“Andrew-” Aaron said.</p><p>“Talk to me after I find out he’s alive or commit a murder. ” Aaron didn’t answer. </p><p>Andrew didn’t specify whether the murder was going to be against someone else or not. His fucking brain had no problem coming up with all of the ways it could be done. Andrew was sure that he should be feeling more than apathy towards the subject. It wasn’t like Neil was there to do that fucking freaky thing of his and take Andrew out of his own head when he could tell that Andrew was thinking the wrong things. Andrew didn’t know how he did it. He wasn’t going to have to think about it much longer if Neil was dead.  </p><p>Andrew really hated his own head. </p><p>They pulled into the parking lot of the hospital and Andrew was out of the car before it stopped. He moved through the front of the building without giving a fuck about the reporters that tried to stop him. He vaguely registered Aaron swearing and flipping them off. </p><p>Andrew made his way up to the third floor and nearly ran into Renee on his way out of the seating area. </p><p>“Where is he?” Andrew asked. </p><p>“Through the doors,” Renee answered as Andrew started walking away. He got stopped by a nurse telling him that only family was allowed through. He promptly told them to fuck off followed by some shoving. It didn’t work. Andrew was reaching for his knives when Renee pulled him away. He practically threw her into the wall. </p><p>“Walker-” </p><p>“Andrew. I was just with Neil. He’s not even awake at the moment. He will need you if he wakes up but you will get thrown back in jail if you kill the nurses,” Renee said from where she was pressed up against the wall. Renee passed him a look that said she knew that she was right. “I’m sorr-”</p><p>“Don’t you fucking dare,” Andrew said with a hard glare. “So?” </p><p>“Skull fracture,” Renee said. “They said that he could wake up today, next week, or not at all.” </p><p>Fear. </p><p>Andrew had never wanted to feel fear. He never thought that there was a point to feeling it. </p><p>Did that stop it from showing up then? No. </p><p>Did that stop it from enveloping all of his senses? Not at all. </p><p>It was controlling enough at that moment that Andrew dropped Renee and crouched to the floor. He was drowning and there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. </p><p>Neil could die and that would be it. The one thing keeping him on the Earth could be dead in the next few hours and Andrew doubted that he wouldn’t be far after. </p><p>When had he let Neil have that much power over  his life? </p><p>It wasn’t like the power when Andrew was with Drake. The power of just living his life because he had to. There had been no way in hell that Andrew would have let life take him that way. He was never going to give Drake the satisfaction that he’d probably feel. </p><p>Did that matter anymore? Drake was dead and the person who made Andrew’s life <em> livable </em> might be dead too. </p><p>“Andrew,” Renee said and he pushed off the ground to look at her. Renee’s mouth promptly closed when she met his eyes. </p><p>“Renee,” Andrew said. </p><p>“What?” she asked. Andrew looked away. “Andrew. There’s nothing wrong with needing someone to hold you up right now.” Andrew didn’t know how she did that. </p><p>He hugged her before he could think about it. Andrew didn’t remember the last time he hugged someone, let alone the last time that he had wanted to. The only person he had ever wanted that contact from was Neil.  </p><p>Andrew let go three seconds later when he heard the familiar sound of angry footsteps. He turned and saw Wymack making his way towards them with Kevin not too far behind. </p><p>“You fucking tell me if he wakes up,” Andrew said to Renee and she nodded. </p><p>Andrew turned away and swung for the wall. Kevin flinched but didn’t look very surprised. No one stopped him from doing it again and again. Andrew’s knuckles were ripped and bleeding by the time he shoved past Wymack and headed for the door. </p><p>“Andrew,” Wymack called after him. Andrew ignored him. Aaron was in the stairwell on his way down. He ignored him also. </p><p>Once Andrew hit the sidewalk, he made the shitty mistake of punching the brick wall. Did it matter? Not really. </p><p>He flexed his fingers and ignored the blood that dripped on the concrete as he opened his pack of cigarettes. Andrew didn’t make it to lighting one due the fact that the lighter ended up broken on the ground next to the brick wall. The same wall which he ended up punching again. The same wall which he slammed his back against and slid down. </p><p>Andrew let his head fall back against it a little too hard. It distracted him from the problem that was Neil-death-magenet-Josten, but that didn’t fucking take it away, did it? </p><p>He didn’t want to care. Andrew really didn’t want to give a shit that Neil was on the bridge of death. He didn’t want to care that he could lose the only person that kept him sane. Was that selfish? Maybe. Andrew didn’t feel enough emotions to bring himself to be concerned about it. </p><p>Andrew was dragged out of his mental spiral when he heard footsteps come his way. He looked up and saw Matt Boyd standing in front of him. One of the last fucking people Andrew wanted to see.  </p><p>“Neil’s inside,” Andrew said. Matt looked like where Andrew’s mind was heading. “They won’t let you see him.” </p><p>“I know,” Matt said, words sounding strained. Andrew was thankful that his own voice always sounded the same. “Can I sit?” </p><p>“What the fuck makes you think I won’t kill you?” Andrew asked. He hadn’t thought Matt’s expressions could get any worse. He was wrong.</p><p>“Everyone inside-” Matt cut himself off and took a breath. “They’re all there- it’s just- there’s too many people. I feel like no one cares in the right way. Dan is so closed off, Aaron won’t look at anyone, Wymack’s pissed, Kevin’s being an asshole and might even be showing emotion that doesn’t relate to exy, which is-” </p><p>“Don’t fucking talk to me,” Andrew said and moved over just to shut Matt up. Matt sat down and started picking at the dried blood on his hands. Andrew raised an eyebrow and looked up at him. </p><p>“You told me-” Matt started.</p><p>“I know what I said,” Andrew responded and then showed Matt the backs of his own hands. </p><p>“Yeah,” Matt said and exhaled a laugh with no humor in it. “Dan didn’t even care that I made a hole in the wall of our bedroom.” He looked absolutely miserable. “I’m assuming I’m going to have to fix that later.” </p><p>Matt and Andrew talking was one thing. Them not killing each other was another thing, but it was bearable. Yet Andrew would not sit there as anyone cried - not limited to, but incliuding Matt fucking Boyd. </p><p>“Hey,” Andrew said. “Neil would be very mad if he saw you right now. You guys would probably hug and kiss, and I would leave Neil forever.” Matt actually laughed that time. Andrew was sure that a big part of it was surprise. “I would also never speak to you again.” Matt snorted. </p><p>“It’s not like you speak to me now,” Matt said. They both knew that it was a lie.  </p><p>“I don’t want him to die,” Andrew mumbled but Matt just looked at him. At least Matt had developed some self-preservation instincts. </p><p>Andrew knew that his own would go out the window the second the heart-monitor stopped beeping. </p><p>He let his head fall against the brick again. It wasn’t like anyone - or a particular junkie - was going to tell him not to. </p><p>-</p><p>Renee was still baffled by the fact that Andrew had just hugged her to pay much attention to the questions being thrown at her. She snapped back into reality a few seconds later. Wymack was staring at her. </p><p>“Could you say that again?” she asked. Wymack looked like he didn’t have the mental strength to be annoyed. </p><p>“Fill us in on Neil,” Wymack said. Everyone then turned to her. Renee did what she usually did.</p><p>“He has a skull fracture. He’s in severe but stable condition.” </p><p>“Severe but stable, what does that mean?” Dan asked. Renee hadn’t noticed her come in.  </p><p>“It means that he might not wake up,” Aaron said. All of their eyes flicked to Aaron before looking back at Renee.</p><p>What were they looking for, confirmation?</p><p>“They said that he could wake up tomorrow, next week, or never,” Renee said. The room went still. </p><p>“When can we see him?” Dan asked. </p><p>“They won't let anyone see him but family until he fully wakes up.” </p><p>“Won’t let anyone but family, my ass,” Dan started. </p><p>“Dan,” Renee said firmly. “Andrew couldn’t even get through. He’s tried. In multiple ways in which I’m actually planning on asking him how he came up with some of them later.” Renee could hear the silence that followed. </p><p>“How did you and Allison get in?” Aaron asked. </p><p>“Allison said that she was Neil’s step sister. We also took Dan and Matt’s rings and said that we were married,” Renee said. </p><p>She then heard a yell come from behind the doors and lunged at them. Renee blew through, turned into Neil’s hallway, and was in his room in seconds. </p><p>Renee looked around and saw Allison staring at an unconscious Neil like she had just seen a ghost. Renee didn’t notice anything wrong with Neil and walked up to her. </p><p>“Babe. What’s wrong?” Renee asked. Allison shook her head like she was trying to throw off a memory before rubbing a hand over her face. “Talk to me.” </p><p>“Neil woke up,” Allison started. “He woke up as a nurse was coming in. I’m assuming his head snapped in her direction on reflex but - either the motion, or maybe the speed of it - put him in excruciating pain. He just started yelling.” Renee knew what it took to shake Allison. </p><p>“What did the nurse do?” she asked. </p><p>“She said that much pain should have knocked him out, but she doesn’t know Neil. His pain tolerance is astronomical. I mean the fact that-” </p><p>“You’re getting off topic, babe. Bring it back,” Renee said gently. </p><p>“She knocked him out with some drug and said that she’d be back to change the dose in an hour. If he wakes up again, she said that we should do what we can to calm him down without making him turn his head like that.” Renee took a breath and nodded. She walked over and grabbed two of the chairs and put them next to each other, directly in Neil’s line of vision if he were awake. </p><p> Renee sat down and put one leg across the two chairs and the other on the floor. She gestured for Allison to do what she pleased and she sat between Renee’s legs. Allison kissed her before dropping her head on Renee’s chest and letting her gaze drift back to the bed. Renee rested her chin on Allison’s shoulder and looked at Neil.</p><p>She knew that what she had told Andrew was wrong and that she could probably find a way to get him in the room with her. Yet there was no way in hell she was letting Andrew see Neil unless he woke up and was staying alive.</p><p>Neil looked like shit. He had two black eyes because of the head trauma, he was unconscious in a hospital room and Andrew already had problems with hospitals before then, and his hair had been almost fully buzzed. </p><p>She was trying to be a better person, yes, and in the view of many, Renee knew it looked like she was doing the wrong thing. Yet if she was protecting Andrew so he didn’t have to see Neil or watch the love of his life possibly die, how wrong was it? Andrew didn’t need her protection and he had made that very clear to her on countless occasions. Renee, though, had also made it clear that she had never planned on protecting him, but that she would be there for him in any way that she could. </p><p>When had either of them had that in their lives? Renee got lucky with her mom. Andrew had never had that kind of luck. He almost died because of how badly he <em> wanted </em>to stay with Cass, who, mind you, didn’t even know - or strategically igrnoed - that her son was raping Andrew. </p><p>As long as Renee had known him, she had never seen Andrew want something, or someone for that matter, until Neil came along. </p><p>She knew how much Andrew wanted Neil and how much Neil cared for Andrew. She knew how much they loved each other, even if Andrew would never admit to it. She knew how much they wanted to be with each other and how much they wanted to protect each other. Andrew and Neil had something different than what most people had, something special, and they both deserved it so much. The problem was that she also knew how unlikely it would be for one of them to go down and not bring the other with them. </p><p>So was she really that bad of a person for not wanting her best friend to watch the one thing he wanted in life, and the one thing he deserved, to die? Andrew didn’t deserve to have shitty parents, he didn’t deserve to be abused, he didn’t deserve to be raped once, let alone multiple times, he didn’t deserve to be put on meds, he didn’t deserve to be judged. He didn’t deserve the life he was given but he deserved Neil. Was she really that bad? </p><p>If so, she didn’t want to be good. </p><p>Renee woke up around two in the morning to the sound of the heart monitor speeding up exponentially. It didn’t slow. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hello again<br/>im sorry, i know, i know.<br/>but! there is likely going to be a chapter three if you all want it (andriel, action, a very important question, angst and definitely fluff, more Foxes)</p><p>if you liked it, let me know!<br/>if you're looking forward to/would like a third chapter, let me know that also! </p><p>thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. forever doesn't start and end, does it?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW: suicidal thoughts, mentions Andrew's past abuse and some people from Nora's extra content, light mentions of Neil's past abuse, referenced violence/pain, explicit language.<br/>*let me know if there is anything that should be added and read with care*</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hello everyone!<br/>here is chapter three<br/>note the warnings above before you read</p>
<p>i hope you like it<br/>see you at the bottom</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The first thing that came into Neil’s consciousness was the beeping of a heart monitor. Other than that, nothing made any sense. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He felt like he knew what happened but couldn’t seem to consistently </span>
  <em>
    <span>think </span>
  </em>
  <span>about what happened. Had something happened? </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His first thought was ‘Andrew.’ </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That was it, though. He couldn’t seem to form a coherent sentence in his brain. He understood ‘Andrew’, yet whenever he tried to think beyond that it felt like his brain short circuited. Neil didn’t know if he needed Andrew, if he was wondering where Andrew was, or if he was wondering if Andrew was ok. All he got was ‘Andrew’. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Neil was dragged out of his train of thought - if it even could be called that - by the overwhelming realization of the bricks on the back of his head. No, not bricks. Fucking cinderblocks. Neil couldn’t even process it becuase the only thoughts he were getting were given to him by an unknown source that was having a great fucking time giving him one word at a time. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was also annoying as hell. Add that to the list. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beeping. Andrew. Bricks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Beeping. Andrew. Bricks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Voices. Andrew. Bricks. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Neil pried his eyes open the second he heard the voices and </span>
  <em>
    <span>none of them were Andrew</span>
  </em>
  <span>. That meant that Neil was in a hospital room and very likely </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> with Andrew which implied that he was very likely not safe. He swore that he only got his eyes open by sheer force of will and panic. If his brian had been functional, he probably would have realized that Andrew was a big part of that need, but it clearly decided to check out for the time being. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He got his eyes open and sucked in a breath to make sure he wasn’t actually underwater. Everything he saw looked blurry. He could vaguely make out what was around him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lights. IV. Bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Blond. Rainbow. Nurse. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The bricks on the back of his head were certnatnly not helping him stay above the fucking surface of the water. He wasn’t immediately scared of the blond and rainbow people in the room so he figured that they weren’t an immediate concern. The nurse, on the other hand, did not have that same advantage. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Neil had never trusted hospitals, never trusted nurses. It was a habit from being with his mom. The problem was that he could barely see, and for a fucking runner, that was undoubtedly a problem. Neil always took inventory of every room he went into; another habit from his mom. Though he did it less when he had Andrew with him, it was a natural instinct that was buried deep. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Being in a hospital would put Neil on edge. Not being with Andrew in a hospital would cause some panic, no doubt. Yet a nurse walking towards him in a hospital room when he was defenseless and </span>
  <em>
    <span>wasn’t with Andrew</span>
  </em>
  <span> would certainly send him into overdrive. It did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Neil faintly registered some yelling that he was sure wasn’t his own as a hand touched his arm yet he didn’t see what happened before he was dragged back under the water. He was drowning. Neil knew he should hit bottom-</span>
</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>Neil looked wrong. Andrew had gotten used to his fucking smile. </p>
<p>
  <span>Andrew knew that his mind would have a field day with the way Neil looked the second he closed his eyes. He subconsciously knew that which was probably why he hadn’t slept in seven days, though he never thought long on it. Maybe Andrew would pass out from exhaustion, hit his head, and die before Neil ever woke up. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Andrew hated his own head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hated life. He hated falling when he knew the ground was coming. That was the reason Andrew had never minded the three emotions he felt because inevitably slamming into the ground was something that could be easily dismissed. Yet falling in love with a redhead idiot really threw a fucking wrench in the system, didn’t it? It wasn’t as if Andrew had handpicked the three emotions he felt, nor did he choose how Neil always made him feel more. </span>
</p>
<p><span>Andrew didn’t want to feel more. Hitting the ground wasn’t scary without Neil. He was the only reason that Andrew had been trying to avoid the ground in the first place. How could it be scary to someone who had the memory and manic head that Andrew did? Why wouldn’t he want to hit the ground when he had the fucking pleasure</span> <span>of seeing Drake’s smile, Samuel’s lips, Jesse’s hands, and Neil, unconscious in a hospital bed with two black eyes and buzzed hair, every time his sick mind felt like it? </span></p>
<p>
  <span>So Andrew didn’t really blame Neil for his own potential death. Something in Andrew’s head told him that he had always known that it would be his fault. He also knew that it would probably be because of his own head. The thing that was supposed to keep him alive and have some sense of self-preservation. The irony was obvious. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Andrew didn’t want Neil to die. Andrew didn’t want to die. Stopping the ground was much harder with only one person and it wasn’t impossible for people who weren’t Andrew. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Andrew dropped his head against the rail of the bed. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Neil was unconscious but stable. What. The. Fuck. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Neil had been out for six hours yet the nurse told him that he had woken up in the past twelve hours and it was a good sign. Andrew wanted to believe her but he wouldn’t let himself. He had no reason to think that his shitty chances in life would somehow end in his favor.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Andrew had only been able to get into the room around four in the morning that day. He sent Allison and Renee out with a simple glare and they hadn't retired since. The last person Andrew had spoken to was Aaron. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t do this to me,” Andrew whispered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That’s right. Yup. He was apparently going to be one of those people who talked to graves at graveyards and unconscious people in hospitals. Andrew hated himself for hating himself. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know, Neil,” Andrew started, mentally scowling at himself, “I never thought it would happen this way. No. I thought that if you were going to die, it would be my fault. I would kill you by finally shoving you off that roof. We’ve been over this. I never thought it would be like </span>
  <em>
    <span>this.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Andrew would have laughed if he was the laughing-type. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not by that stupid sport. Not in a hospital room. Not by someone other than me. Not with me talking to you when you can even hear me to respond with that fucking smart-mouth. The one I usually tell you I hate. I still hate it. Just like I hate you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Andrew shook his head. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hate you in a way that makes me love life, Neil,” Andrew said. He put a hand on the rail of the bed and traced his eyes over Neil’s face.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Too much. Neil made him feel too much. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not the world that’s cruel, Neil. It’s the people in it.” Andrew pushed back and looked away. </span>
</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>
  <span>Neil felt himself reaching the surface of the water some unmeasurable time later. He was surprised when his thoughts came in more than one word at a time. He registered the heart monitor a lot quicker than he had the time before. No voices came into this consciousness so he figured the room was either empty or a certain blond was in it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span> Neil got his eyes open and waited until his vision cleared. He was simultaneously relieved and put in a hell of a lot of pain when it did. He glanced around the room and thought that it was empty. Neil turned his head, slowly, until he met hazel eyes. He immediately felt the tension leave his body.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The blond said nothing and Neil looked him up and down. From what he could tell, the only physical injury were his knuckles which had been completely stripped of skin and would likely scar. Neil knew that type of torn scabbing and bruising had to have come from repeated impact.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Blond hair. Hazel eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Safety. Home. The name didn’t click until that moment. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Andrew,” Neil said, or slurred. He didn’t really get out the word before he was coughing. His mouth felt like a desert. A cup of water was in front of his face and Neil downed it quickly. The motion of his head, though, had him simmering in pain. Neil knew that his face said little but there was no way in hell that Andrew was fooled. Once Neil got a few solid breaths in, he looked back over at Andrew. His eyes were completely blood-shot.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Neil,” Andrew said. The sound of his voice relaxed Neil so much more than he was willing to tell anyone - not that Andrew didn’t notice on his own - even though something about it sounded different.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Andrew,” Neil said. Andrew paused for a second.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck you,” Andrew said and Neil winced. “Fuck you, Neil.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re mad.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, Neil.” The last time Neil had seen that darkness flash behind Andrew’s eyes was in Baltimore. “I’m not mad, Neil. I haven’t had the fucking pleasure of being able to feel mad.” Neil knew what that meant. He also knew that apologizing would make that situation so much worse. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’ll be fine,” Neil said. Clearly that was the wrong answer. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine. Fine. Fine, he says. Tell me, Neil, do you even know what state you’re in?” Neil waited as Andrew pinned him with his glare. “It’s been eight days, Neil. Eight fucking days.” Neil didn’t stop his reaction. He thought that he had been out for a few hours, a day at most. Not over a week. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m awake now. That’s good, I’m assuming.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Neil. They said you would be dead,” Andrew said. Neil felt like the breath had been knocked out of him. He knew that Andrew wanted him to feel scared, maybe even scared of him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Andrew. I’m awake now. I’m here. I’m alive,” Neil said. Andrew didn’t look like he believed him. Neil moved over in the bed despite the pain in his skull. The pain, though, of picturing Andrew waiting in a hospital for eight days was so much worse. “Yes or no?” Andrew scowled and Neil bit back a tight smile. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes,” Andrew said. He slowly got on the bed, gauging Neil’s reaction to make sure he wasn’t in pain. Andrew glared at him yet slightly relaxed when Neil laced their hands together. Andrew dropped his head against Neil’s shoulder and let out a shaky breath. It took Neil a few seconds to recover from that and sighed against the top of Andrew’s head. “Neil?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fuck you,” Andrew said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I mean, if you want to, I’m all for it. We should probably make sure that no nurses can walk in on us first.” Andrew said nothing, but Neil felt the tension in his shoulders drop a bit. “Are you ok?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You are not fucking asking me that, Neil,” Andrew said. The anger was back but Neil knew that it was a different kind than before. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your voice sounds different,” Neil said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Haven’t spoken in awhile.” Neil went still. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Haven’t spoken. </span>
  </em>
  <span>He felt like he couldn’t breath. “Calm down.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Andrew-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Neil. I just haven’t slept in awhile. It’s not like I was in a coma or anything.” Neil scowled at him. He thought for a minute about what he remembered from the last time he woke up. It was barely anything, but Neil figured he probably wasn’t fully conscious during it anyways, so it was understandable.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If it makes you feel any better, I think I would have woken up sooner if you had been in the room.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Neil.” Andrew lifted his head from Neil’s shoulder and looked at him. </span>
</p>
<p>-</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” Neil asked. Andrew watched Neil draw all the wrong conclusions about what he was about to say. The concern was written plain on his face. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Marry me. Yes or no?” Andrew asked. Neil’s eyes widened. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You want to marry me?” Neil asked and Andrew rolled his eyes. It was a good distraction from the fear that laced him which he was fucking ignoring. Yet he knew that if Neil said ‘no’ they would both shrug and move on. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Would you like me to say it again?” Andrew asked. “Marry me, Neil. Yes or no?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes,” Neil said and Andrew raised an eyebrow. “Fucking yes, Andrew.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes or no?” Andrew asked and Neil tilted his head as Andrew grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him into a fierce kiss. Neil sighed into his mouth and dug his hands into Andrew’s hair. Andrew pulled away a few seconds later, not wanting Neil to have a lack of oxygen after he suffered a major head trauma, and placed their foreheads together. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Andrew didn’t miss Neil’s beaming grin and the way he was biting his lip. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Junkie,” Andrew said and his smile widened. Neil pulled away and looked at him. Andrew watched Neil open his mouth to say something the second the door burst open. Andrew turned a deathly glare on Matt fucking Boyd, who was too busy looking at Neil to notice. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Neil?” Matt asked. He looked like he was about to start crying. Andrew rolled his eyes but didn’t really blame him either. Neil looked over at Andrew then back at Matt. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Who are you?” Neil asked. Andrew snapped his eyes over to Neil who was eyeing Matt warily. Andrew knew that Neil had gone through hundreds of personalities and could switch between languages in seconds, but he also knew that Neil wasn’t that fucking good of an actor. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Very funny, buddy. We know you too well for that,” Matt said and he looked at Andrew and winked. Andrew looked back with an unblinking gaze. Matt’s face dropped. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Neil,” Andrew said and Neil looked at him, though he didn’t seem like he wanted to turn his back to Matt. “Do you recognize him?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Neil shook his head and looked utterly confused at Andrew.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck. </span>
  </em>
  
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Neil. We’ve known each other for years. You called me just this week to tell me about your last game and how you punched the ref because they mentioned something about your scars-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Matt,” Andrew said firmly. He could feel Neil’s breathing pick up next to him and the heart montier jumped. “Get out. Now.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But-” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Matt,” Andrew warned. Matt looked like he had been punched but looked at Neil one more time before leaving. Andrew turned to Neil. “Neil.” He didn’t move, his eyes glued on the door. “Neil. Look at me.” His head slowly turned to meet Andrew’s eyes. He could easily read the fear there. “I’ve got you, Neil. Tell me that you know that.” Neil shrugged and Andrew looked at him heavily.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know,” Neil said and he dropped his head onto Andrew’s shoulder. “Who was that?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If I tell you something, promise me that you won't freak out,” Andrew said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I won't,” Neil responded. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Neil,” Andrew said. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m fine, Drew.” Andrew didn’t know how Neil remembered him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I think you lost your memory,” Andrew said. Neil’s head bolted upright. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There’s no way that’s right. I fucking know you, Andrew. That person was someone I had never seen in my life. Calm down.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Really?” Andrew asked as he decided to take a different approach. “When did we meet?” Neil opened his mouth but closed it seconds later. “Where do we live?” Neil said nothing. “What team do we play for?” Andrew watched the fear switch behind Neil’s eyes. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know you, though,” Neil said. He even looked confused with what he was saying. “I have no clue how, but I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know </span>
  </em>
  <span>you, Andrew. I just agreed to marry you. There is no way I forgot you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What do you know about me?” Andrew asked. Neil’s breathing didn’t slow and Andrew knew that he sure as hell wasn’t helping.  </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Safety. Home. Life. Security. Love,” Neil said, flustered. “I feel so much towards you, Drew.” From what Andrew could tell, the feelings were there and the basic structure of their relationship was intact so he didn’t think much about their emotional relationship. Neil looked like something clicked in his head. “No, Drew. Don’t rethink the marriage. I want to marry you. I want to be with you.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How do you know?” Andrew asked firmly. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know. That’s like asking someone how they know they’re breathing,” Neil said. Andrew didn’t let himself think about the fact that Neil just compared what he had with Andrew with something as easy as breathing. As necessary as breathing. Something a person couldn’t live without- there were so many fucking layers. “What the hell happened?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Andrew didn’t want to tell Neil anything for the chance that his memories might not come back. The roof-tops, the ‘yes’s, the cigarettes shared, the long drives, could all be lost. The life that they had up to that point. Not to mention the fact that Neil looked like he knew nothing about what had happened </span>
  <em>
    <span>to him.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Like how he was tortured on multiple occasions. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Andrew had been told that Neil was likely to die. He thought that his fucking life had never had the chances it would need for Neil to wake up. Andrew’s life had never been in his favor. A little counterintuitive, yes. Yet Neil came into his life and Neil woke up. Andrew thought that maybe once, he wasn’t getting screwed over. He should have been more careful, more skeptical. He should have known that he just wasn’t that lucky, but </span>
  <em>
    <span>Neil was awake.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Neil was alive. Anything beyond that could be figured out, right? </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hi hello!<br/>so this fic will end up being a lot longer than i had originally planned it, but im excited for it - and when do i ever do anything that goes to plan? </p>
<p>if you liked it, let me know!<br/>if you're looking forward to more, let me know that also! </p>
<p>im out - and as always,<br/>thank you for reading!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. the irony of being defenseless</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW: mentions Andrew's past abuse, mentions Neil's past abuse, referenced/implied violence, suicidal thoughts, explicit language.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi hello<br/>chapter four, here it is<br/>my apologies for it being a day late, though it is longer than the other chapters </p><p>i hope you like it </p><p>i will see you at the bottom</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Renee burst into the room and looked between Neil - who was looking at Renee like he was gauging where he should put her in some mental file - and Andrew - who looked at Renee with his usual apathy. They were sitting on the bed together and Renee must have made eye contact with both of them at least three times before settling on Andrew. Renee was confused. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Matt had come running into the waiting room and threw himself at Dan. She must have seen something in his eyes because they hugged for at least three minutes. They whispered a few things between each other that Renee hadn’t heard but she noticed the exact moment that Dan’s face went blank. Dan then told them that Neil didn’t remember Matt. At all. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Renee dropped Allison’s hand and took off towards Neil’s room. If he didn’t remember Matt, then he might not have remembered Andrew, and he didn’t deserve that. As much as Renee wanted to hope, she didn’t think that the universe was working for them. Any of them, really.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Walker,” Andrew said, dragging Renee out of her thoughts as she traced her eyes back down to Neil and Andrew. She let out a breath that she should have, but hadn’t, realized that she was holding in when she noticed their interlocked hands. Renee let her head fall in relief.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Andrew. Is everything ok?” she asked. Neil looked between the two of them and Andrew raised an eyebrow at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shouldn’t you be out the window by now?” Andrew asked and Neil shrugged. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Probably,” Neil said. He then looked confused by his own thought process. Renee was again taken aback by how open and expressive Neil was with Andrew compared to everyone else. “I am scared of the fact that I don't know why I’m not running from you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Walker. Watch him,” Andrew said and he started to get out of the bed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t need a fucking babysitter,” Neil responded and Renee smiled. At least his personality was still in-tact. Andrew looked like he couldn’t care less about what Neil just said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where are you going?” Renee asked. Neil winced when he turned his head to look at her and Renee saw anger flash behind Andrew’s eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Going to ask Aaron what the fuck is wrong,” Andrew said. He turned back into the room when he reached the door. “I will kill you if you do something that hurts.” A faint smile drew on Neil’s face. “Don’t fucking try me on this, junkie. I’m not kidding.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>  “I know, </span>
  <em>
    <span>fiance</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Neil said and Renee’s mouth literally dropped. She turned to Andrew who just looked at her for a second before leaving the room. Renee stared at the back of his head for at least a minute.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No. Was it possible? Were they actually engaged? Andrew had told her once that if Neil wanted it, he would have said ‘yes’. She just didn’t realize that it already happened. She wondered if Andrew proposed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Renee found herself smiling and turned to see Neil doing the same. Though when they made eye contact, Neil looked at her like she was utterly unwelcome in the room. </span>
</p><p>-</p><p>
  <span>Andrew stopped dead in his tracks when he opened the door. He starred as Neil ripped the tape off his arm before starting to slowly pull the IV out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew knew that he should have expected something like that to happen, and he did, it was just a whole different thing to see someone actually rip a needle out of their arm. He consciously knew that it was an instinct for Neil to do anything he needed to just </span>
  <em>
    <span>get out</span>
  </em>
  <span>, even without his memories. Andrew, though, was more used to Neil not giving a shit about his well-being. Either way, Neil was not leaving the hospital, despite how much Andrew wanted to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew leaned against the doorframe when Neil looked up. Neil said nothing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What the fuck are you doing?” Andrew asked. Neil didn’t look fazed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We’re leaving, aren’t we? It’s not like we’re going to stay in the hospital,” Neil responded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Neil. You can barely move without cringing in pain.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So?” Fucking idiot. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So. We’re not leaving.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not staying here when any fucking person can walk through that door. My </span>
  <em>
    <span>dad</span>
  </em>
  <span>-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s dead,” Andrew said. Neil froze. “Look at me, Neil. Do you really think that I would let you check-in to a hospital with your dad still a threat?” Neil went to rake his hand through his hair then pulled back when he noticed nothing there.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where the fuck is my hair?” Neil asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They had to buzz it off. What do you know about you dad?” Andrew asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nothing. That’s what’s so frustrating, Drew. I think ‘dad’ and I respond with ‘run, hide, fight’. I have no clue.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Doesn’t matter,” Andrew responded. He wasn’t going to let himself think about Neil’s memories yet. “He’s dead.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That doesn't mean-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your dad has been dead for almost seven years and I will not let anyone touch you, Neil. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> don’t even-” Andrew cut himself off then. He didn’t want to tell Neil things that were part of him or their relationship. It just seemed wrong. Not that Andrew ever cared about what was wrong and right. He didn’t with Neil, either. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He also knew that he was lying to himself. That, at least, was nothing new.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew hated himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop it,” Neil said. Andrew raised an eyebrow at him. “Stop. Stop thinking whatever you’re thinking.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I hate you,” Andrew said.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What were you going to say,” Neil said, not a question. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I wouldn’t touch you without permission in a situation like this.” They had dropped most of the ‘yes or no’s a few years ago but they both picked the habit back up easily when in certain situations and during off days. Or in a hospital, if Andrew was thinking literally. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I have no fucking clue about why I love you, Andrew,” Neil said. Andrew let the word slide. “I have no clue. I don’t know why I’m not scared of the rainbow girl. I don’t know what’s wrong and I’m freaking out.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Neil-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are literally the only reason I haven’t jumped out the fucking window.” Andrew didn’t know what to say to that. Add a couple more stories of height to the building and that was exactly how Andrew had been until Neil woke up. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew opened his mouth to respond but a nurse walked in, followed by Renee and Allison. Neil visibly tensed and Andrew saw the moment he slipped back into his runner self when looking at them. Andrew went defensively to his side and wasn’t even going to try to act like that wasn’t what he was doing. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello. I’m Kelly. You can use she/her. How are you feeling, Neil?” the nurse asked as she walked over to read something on the montier. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fine,” Neil said. Andrew nearly hit him. Neil rolled his eyes. “It feels like there is a bag of cinderblocks on the back of my head and I apparently can’t remember a fucking thing.” The nurse nodded along until that last part. She looked at Andrew as if that was the first she was hearing of it. Maybe it was. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What can you remember?” Kelly asked. Andrew cut Neil off before he could respond.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He doesn’t remember anything with me but he seems to have the same feelings towards me as before. It’s the same deal with Renee. He doesn’t remember his best friend and the blond over there.” Kelly took notes before looking back at Andrew. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How are you related to him?” she asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not,” Andrew said. He could feel Renee’s glare on the side of his face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Then I’m going to need to ask you to leave,” she said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t you think that we have more important problems than that right now?” Allison snapped. She was protective of Neil, and that was really the only reason he was letting her stay. “Could you tell us - excuse my fucking language - what the fuck is wrong with Neil?” The nurse pursed her lips but continued. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He suffered a skull fracture. There was internal bleeding but the improvement from when Neil first showed up is very promising. From what you’re saying, he clearly has some form of amnesia.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why do I know Andrew?” Neil asked, clearly annoyed. Andrew didn’t blame him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well, it seems that your emotional bond is still intact. That has happened in some cases before with people who are constantly with the patient or on the patient’s mind a lot. It is possible that was what had happened, that is, if you know this guy well.” Andrew skipped over the fact that implied that Neil thought about him a lot and responded to the unsubtle undertone of ‘this guy’. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Make one more judgement on us and I will stab you,” Andrew said. Renee cut in before the nurse had time to react. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Is the amnesia permanent?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Neil seems to have traumatic amnesia. That amnesia is usually temporary but as to how long it lasts depends on how severe the head trauma is. Which, in your case, is on the higher end of the scale.” Kelly said and left soon after. Andrew hopped back on the bed with Neil. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew looked over at Renee and Allison who were looking back at them. He never really understood their relationship, mostly because he didn’t trust the blond. Andrew knew that Renee could take care of herself but that hadn’t stopped him from making sure Allison knew what would happen if she hurt Renee. During that conversation was the first time Andrew had ever seen Allison look sincere though that hadn’t stopped her cocky response and references to his and Neil’s relationship. He watched the two kiss in front of him and Renee threw Andrew a sharp smile when she saw him. They sent a short nod between each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew then felt Neil nod off again and watched him wake up seconds later, every time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Neil.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Neil asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m here.” Neil smiled and dropped his head against Andrew’s shoulder. He ignored Renee’s look. </span>
</p><p>-</p><p>
  <span>Neil woke up, and for the first time, he didn’t think that he was underwater. He didn’t feel Andrew in the bed next to him yet looked up and saw Andrew sitting on a chair in the far corner of the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neil looked at Andrew who had his eyes dropped to the screen of the computer in front of him. Neil didn’t feel anything that he was used to relating to Andrew. He didn’t feel safe, but Andrew was there, so he was ok, right? Right. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neil’s instincts were telling him to move. Leave. Get out. Do something other than just sit there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was Andrew, Neil was looking right at him, and he wanted to run. </span>
</p><p><span>“Andrew,” Neil said and the guy's head snapped up from the computer to look at him. Neil knew that it wasn’t Andrew. Everything about him was off. Physically, they looked exactly the same, but </span><em><span>they weren’t the same. </span></em><span>Nothing felt</span> <span>right. </span></p><p>
  <span>“Who the fuck did you just say I was?” the Andrew look-alike asked. Neil reached over and pulled out his needle before throwing the covers off the bed. “Calm the fuck down. It’s not like I’m attacking you.” Neil’s attention was split between watching the guy move to block his exit and not passing out from standing up.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Move,” Neil said with as much anger as he could at that moment. It wasn’t very hard. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No,” the guy said. His voice sounded so much like Andrew that Neil was utterly confused. Shoving that thought away, Neil made for the window. He had no clue what the fuck he was doing but he seemed to be running on complete instinct. Neil made a note to ask Andrew about that later. “I swear to fucking god that I will kill you if you jumpt out that window. Jesus Christ, Josten. Andrew’s going to kill </span>
  <em>
    <span>me</span>
  </em>
  <span> if you hurt yourself.” Neil stopped his movements and looked back at the guy.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“If you answer one of these questions in a way that I don’t see fit, I will jump out that window,” Neil said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know, believe me. If you just knew our history with you climbing out fucking windows-” The guy looked pissed but had the decency to shut his mouth when Neil shot him a look. He had no clue what the guy was talking about. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who are you?” Neil asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Aaron,” the guy - Aaron - said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Last name?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Minyard. I know you’re not that fucking stupid, Josten.” Neil put the dots together quickly. “Sit back down. You’re in no condition to be moving, let alone jumping a few stories.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who are you to tell me that?” Aaron looked like he hated Neil with a passion. Neil wasn’t surprised, for some reason. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m a doctor that graduated med school at the top of his class,” Aaron said. Neil snorted. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t like each other,” Neil said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You remember me?” Neil shook his head. “Oh.” Aaron barely sounded like he cared. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It doesn’t take a fucking genius to figure out that we aren’t the best of friends.” Aaron shrugged and sat back down in his chair. He clasped his hands behind the back of the chair to stretch his arms. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neil’s head went into an overwhelming amount of pain. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He saw the dashboard of a car. He felt metal cuffs locking his hands behind him and a knife digging into one side of his face. He heard an amused laugh that made him sick. None of that, though, compared to the pain he felt burning through the left side of his face. Neil felt like he was getting lit on fire and turning away from it did nothing but make it worse. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neil was completely helpless back then, where he was, in the moment - he didn’t know. It didn’t matter. It was true for them all.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neil didn’t remember the room. He could only faintly hear Aaron in the background yet that was nothing compared to the pain he felt and the voice of someone who he sure as fuck hoped was dead.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The worst part was that he didn’t know.</span>
</p><p>-</p><p>
  <span>Andrew was outside smoking against the brick wall. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neil had been asleep when he left but he put Aaron in the room just in case. Neil hadn’t remembered anything yet. The nurse said that it was possible for him to and if he did, the memories would come in flashes. That didn’t mean that Neil would remember everything. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It had been just about two week since that backliner hit Neil. Don’t get him wrong, Andrew wanted Neil to get his memories back. He wanted Neil to remember everything that had happened between them and him and his stupid Foxes. Yet if not getting his memories back meant that Neil wouldn’t have to relive every bad thing that had happened to him, was it worth it? </span>
</p><p><span>Andrew knew that people like Bee and Renee would probably tell him that it was. That what they shared was worth it and that Andrew was allowed to have that. They would tell him that he was allowed to want</span> <span>that despite what Neil would have to go through. Bee would tell him that he, himself, was worth it, and Renee wouldn’t have said it out loud but would have given him a look that said it all. Andrew didn’t think so yet he was also in no position to make that choice. </span></p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t change what was going to happen but because his mind was a cruel place, Andrew thought about it. There was a flashing sign in his head that kept asking repeatedly ‘would it be worth it?’. Andrew knew that his mind was only looking for the answer it didn’t want. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew being considered selfish for wanting Neil to get back the memories they had together meant that he had some semblance of care for himself. Yet if Andrew wanted Neil to forget with the sole purpose of not having to relive the tortue, that meant he was willing to lose so much with Neil, for Neil. Either way he put it his mind was able to come up with a nice spin for it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew took a drag of his cigarette as his sadistic brain went on. The only way Andrew could think of shutting down his brain was to feel less, and it had been made annoyingly clear that he couldn’t do that with Neil. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was stubbing out his cigarette when he saw Aaron approach. He forgot his previous thoughts in seconds. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You have three seconds to tell me what you’re doing out here,” Andrew said. Aaron rolled his eyes but Andrew saw that his point was made. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I sat down and Neil freaked out. He’s remembering something and I’m pretty sure it has to do with when he was tortured in Baltimore.” Aaron said. “Lola, not his dad.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why aren’t you with him?” Andrew asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I went to find a nurse and then came looking for you,” Aaron said. Andrew went completely still. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who is with him now.” It wasn’t a question. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A nurse,” Aaron said.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You left him in that room with fucking strangers, Aaron,” Andrew said as he made for the door. Aaron fell into step beside him. That was a mistake. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s the problem? I was trying to help him.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You left him alone with strangers,” Andrew said. He didn’t fucking get it and part of Andrew wasn’t surprised. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re doctors, Andrew. They’re not going to do anything to him that they shouldn’t.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t act like you know anything,” Andrew said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m a fucking doctor-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t have a problem with doctors; they’re great. It’s strangers,” Andrew said as he threw the stairwell door open. Andrew didn’t mention the fact that Neil had never been comfortable with people he didn’t know. “Anyone can touch him, Aaron.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why the fuck do you think that? The only time you’ve been with a nurse by yourself was in rehab-” Aaron cut himself off but Andrew was already through the doors before he got the pleasure of seeing his realization. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>welcome back, fam<br/>i would like to note one thing - that is how i pictured Andrew's thoughts relating to hospitals/doctors based on his character and his experiences in the books, nothing else. </p><p>i hope you liked it and let me know if you did!<br/>let me know if you're looking forward to more (if you have something specific you want to see in this fic, drop it in the comments and ill see if i can write it in)! </p><p>thank you for reading! </p><p>im out.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. they assume you know nothing</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW: referenced child abuse (Mary/Neil), violence, references Neil's past abuse, homophobia, explicit language.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi hello my foxhole court frogs<br/>here is chapter five (as if i needed to list that greeting ??) </p><p>i hope you like it! </p><p>i will see you down there<br/></p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><span>Neil didn’t know much about himself anymore, but he thought that it would be a pretty shitty idea for four nurses to come running in his room and try to hold him down. There were hands on him everywhere</span> <span>and Neil’s initial reaction was to lash out at anything around him. All he could think about was Lola’s hands on him and it felt too similar. </span></p><p>
  <span> Really, nothing about it was the same yet his head clearly didn’t give a shit.   </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neil only managed to knock off one of the four nurses because he was too distracted by the lines burning down his arms. He understood, rationally, that it had already happened but Neil couldn’t stop </span>
  <em>
    <span>feeling</span>
  </em>
  <span> it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neil wondered where Andrew had gone. He wondered how it had ended up like </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>. How he was defenseless yet again. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That feeling was what made the past and present all too similar. It was terrifying  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neil’s fear spiked when he heard one of the nurses call for someone to adjust his meds, and if Neil hadn’t been fully freaking out before, he sure as fuck was then. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m going to count to three before I rip you off of him.” Neil heard Andrew’s voice come through the room and instantly let out a breath. No part of him could really relax, though, when his hands were being held down at his sides. He couldn’t see Andrew, anyway. Maybe he imagined it. “One.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sir,” one of the nurses said. “Please let us do our job.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Three.” Neil heard a fist connect with something. Then again. Then again. Lola’s laugh never left his mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A hand came down on the back of his neck and Neil didn’t flinch away. It forced him back to the present and Neil gasped before taking his first steady breath of air in the past three minutes. The hand tightened and Neil looked over at Andrew and held his gaze to make sure he knew that Neil was ok. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew flipped around and Neil looked over his shoulder at the nurses. Two of them had bruises already forming on their faces, one was simply missing, and the last looked completely scared for his life despite being a foot taller than both of them. At least one of them was smart. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi. Hello,” Andrew said. “Is everyone listening?” No one responded, and no one moved, which Andrew took as an answer. “Do not touch Neil without his permission. You are not allowed to. Don’t tell me that you were doing your fucking job becuase it didn’t seem to be working, did it? If any of you touch him or do something relating to him without asking consent, I will end your careers. Whether that is by death or just ensuring that you will never get a job as a doctor again depends on the situation. Is that clear.” Andrew didn’t word any of it as a question. Neil knew then that he clearly hadn’t been wrong in his choice to trust Andrew. It was never actually a choice, was it? Neil found that he didn’t mind that Andrew just threatened all of them. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You can’t do that,” one of the nurses said. Fucking idiot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Actually he can,” someone who sounded abnormally like Andrew said from outside the door. A few nurses turned their heads to see who it was and immediately stood up straighter. Aaron walked into the room. “I also second his statement. I can and will fire any or all of you if I need to. You all have worked with me long enough to know that the board won’t question my opinion.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>All of the nurses nodded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Great. Room 305 needs assistance. I’ll take this room now, with Kelly-” Aaron said yet cut off when Andrew shot him a look and shook his head. “Really?” Andrew just stared at him until Aaron sighed. “Someone send Alex over when you leave, which is right now. Everyone out.” The nurses nodded and followed eachother out of the room. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neil took a breath as he watched the tension leave Andrew’s shoulders. Aaron walked over to the supply closet, slipped on a doctor's coat, and threw his ID around his neck. Neil had connected the dots earlier, but his assumption hadn’t been confirmed until then. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Andrew then nodded once at Aaron before turning back to Neil.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why didn’t we like each other?” Neil asked Aaron. Neil nodded at the question in Andrew’s eyes and Andrew pressed a kiss to his forehead. Something that small and quick shouldn’t have been able to feel as fucking good as it did.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neil had to say that he was a huge fan of </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You two are disgusting,” Aaron said. Neil felt Andrew’s amused smile against his forehead yet it was gone by the time he pulled away.   </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh. That’s why,” Neil said before leaning in closer to Andrew. “How far do you think we can push this?” Andrew raised an eyebrow and tilted his head towards Neil. He leaned in and exhaled into the kiss. Again. That shouldn’t have felt so amazing. Andrew’s tongue found it’s way inside Neil’s mouth and he wasn’t surprised by the fact that he clearly hadn’t gotten used to that yet. Neil didn’t think that he would ever be used to kissing Andrew. He pulled Andrew’s bottom lip between his teeth and took a breath before leaning back in. Neil really enjoyed the air more when it was what Andrew breathed out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aaron made some sort of disgusted noise and Neil smiled against Andrew’s lips. Neil suppressed a groan when Andrew turned away to look at Aaron. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’ve gotten </span>
  <em>
    <span>pictures </span>
  </em>
  <span>of you and the blond worse than this,” Andrew said and Aaron raised his eyebrows at him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Andrew. You do realize you are blond, right?” Aaron asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m a much better blond than she is.” Neil almost laughed though he did grin. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I agree,” Neil said and Aaron made an expressive roll of his eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t even know who we’re talking about,” Aaron said. Neil just shrugged. “The pictures are from </span>
  <em>
    <span>your </span>
  </em>
  <span>cousin, talking about the heterosexuality of it all.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Cousin?” Neil asked.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Our cousin Nicky,” Aaron said. “Tall. Obnoxious. Annoyingly forgiving. Gay.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He’s in Germany with his husband,” Andrew said. “Can you leave us, Doc Minyard?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t even want to know what you’re doing,” Aaron muttered as he walked towards the door. “Alex will be in later.” Andrew nodded before turning back to Neil. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They looked at each other in comfortable silence for a few minutes. Neil got to stare at Andrew so he wasn’t complaining; his hazel eyes, blond hair, strong shoulders, safety, security. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop it,” Andrew said and Neil smiled. “Are we avoiding the subject or do you want to talk about it?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And here I thought we were going to-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Neil</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” Andrew said and Neil passed him a flat look. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“There are several scenes from </span>
  <em>
    <span>The Shining </span>
  </em>
  <span>I’d reenact before-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Neil</span>
  <em>
    <span>.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Neil said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Tell me ‘no’ and I won’t bring it up again,” Andrew said. Neil had only remembered one part of his past, but he wondered how he ended up with Andrew. How had he been allowed to be that happy? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What happened to Lola?” Neil asked and focused solely on keeping his mind in the present. Andrew threaded his fingers through Neil’s. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Lola is dead.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When did my dad find me?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Your first year at PSU. Your uncle killed him,” Andrew said. Neil ignored the ‘uncle’ comment for more pressing matters. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My mom?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Dead.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When?” Neil felt something shift in him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“About eight years ago.” Neil put his face in one of his hands. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Why the hell does that make me sad?” Andrew said nothing. “She abused me, right? I remember that.” Neil felt Andrew go completely tense as his hand tightened around his own. He assumed that his mom was a hard topic between them yet Neil felt that if he stopped talking, the memories would just slip away. “She broke two ribs for something I did - I don’t remember why. I was sick once and she slapped me and made me say ‘I’m fine’ over and over. She even gave me a concussion once and then yelled at me for not being able to run as quickly as I had before.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neil was getting more confused with himself as he spoke. He felt overwhelming admiration and respect for her yet he couldn’t fucking understand why. He knew that he had to be missing something.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What am I missing? Why do I still like her? Respect her, even,” Neil said. That dark anger was back behind Andrew’s eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am the wrong person for that question,” Andrew said. “Neil. I would kill your mom without blinking if she was alive. She ran you from your butcher asshole of a dad and you were on the run for years. You told me that she had done what she needed to do to keep you alive. You also knew that I would gladly kill her if I had that chance.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neil heard what Andrew was saying he just didn’t remember any of it. He remembered being on the run, and it made sense for it to have been away from his father, but he didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>remember </span>
  </em>
  <span>it. He also understood a little more as to why he felt that way towards his mom but it didn’t feel like a loving relationship. Neil knew what love was, and he might have thought that he loved his mother some years ago, yet not anymore. Maybe he had, but it was a completely different kind of love. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” Neil said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ok,” Andrew repeated. His phone then buzzed and Neil watched Andrew pull it out of his pocket. Andrew rolled his eyes and looked back up at Neil. “The Foxes who are still here want to come in and see you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Neil racked his brain for something that would click. Nothing did, and it really, really pissed him off.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who?” If Neil had blinked, he might have missed the slight surprise and anger that passed behind Andrew’s eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You went to college at Palmetto State University in South Carolina. You played exy there with a team of people that you like and trust. They want to see you,” Andrew said. Neil was completely confused. It made sense. It was like everything else. He knew what it was, but never remembered doing it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You want to let a group of strangers come into the room?” Neil couldn’t help the instincts that had been beaten into him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“They’re not strangers,” Andrew said impassively. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“To me they are,” Neil responded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t want to see them any more than you.” He passed Andrew a flat look. “Shut up.” Neil attempted to suppress his slight grin against the back of Andrew’s hand but by the look on his face, he didn’t succeed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How about just one person?” Neil asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Who?” Andrew responded. Neil was about to punch him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Asshole,” Neil said while lovingly glaring at Andrew. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kevin Day it is,” Andrew said. Neil felt like that name was just out of reach of what he could remember, as everything was. “You’re sure?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Drew,” Neil said. “Tell him to pick me up a coffee.” Amusement flickered over Andrew’s face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Are you even allowed to have coffee?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Tell him to ask Aaron on his way up,” Neil said and Andrew snorted. He pulled out his phone, typed out a quick message, then threw it on the chair across the room. “What?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kevin’s going to be pissed.”  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t see you complaining,” Neil said, utterly confused. Andrew said nothing and Neil shook his head. “So.” Andrew raised an eyebrow at him. “Do you want to get back to what I thought we were going to be doing-”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fucking junkie,” Andrew said. “Yes or no?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes,” Neil said and Andrew leaned in for a kiss. Their mouths met and Neil’s hands found a familiar spot in Andrew’s hair. He sighed and Andrew lightly smiled. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t think the lack of oxygen is good for your head,” Andrew said.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When have I ever done anything that’s good for me?” Neil mumbled against his lips. He really had no idea if that was true but it felt like the natural thing to say. Neil slightly pulled back. “Doesn’t matter anyway.” He started kissing his way across Andrew’s jaw and down his neck. “You are so unbelievably good for me.” Andrew slid his hands from the back of Neil’s neck and down his arms before running back up and across his collar bone. His hands then tangled in Neil’s hair and tugged him slightly back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“351%” Andrew breathed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What’s that?” Neil asked, also breathless. Andrew only paused for a second before answering.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How much I hate you,” he said before finding Neil’s mouth again. Neil couldn’t help but smile. He might not remember much, but he was sure that what he felt after Andrew said that was something he would never forget.  </span>
</p><p>-</p><p>
  <span>Kevin scowled as he waited in line for coffee. He had thoroughly contemplated just ignoring Andrew’s text yet he knew Andrew well enough to realize that if he saw Kevin show up at the room without coffee, he would probably lock him out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin was planning on getting both of them decaf, anyways, and coffee wasn’t too unhealthy. He assumed that it was either coffee with a disgusting amount of sugar or ice cream for Andrew, so it really wasn’t much of a choice. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Leaning against the wall, Kevin scrolled through his phone and read the latest exy news. It was all full of different versions of what happened to Neil, and it got worse as people who knew absolutely nothing spun it into something that it wasn’t -</span>
  <em>
    <span> Striker, Neil Josten, knocked out by Jason: out for the season? / Neil’s new head injury has everyone worried. Here’s what actually happened. / Striker Neil Josten is in the hospital and we all know about his family, so who is really with him? This is what we know. / Backliner Jason and Striker Josten are both in the hospital. How it happened and the motivation behind it. </span>
  </em>
  <span>Kevin, personally, thought all of it was stupid. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He flashed one of his fake grins at the person who handed him the coffees and made for the elevators, still looking at his phone. Kevin stopped walking when he felt multiple sets of eyes turn on him. He heard cameras click on seconds later.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Damnit. </span>
  </em>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin took a breath, threw on his press-smile, and looked up to see a group of reporters in front of him. He thought about the merits of just shoving through them - or using the excuse that Andrew wouldn’t be as kind as to only shove through them if Kevin was late with the coffees - but thought better of it.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Kevin Day. Nancy Fell, here,” one of the reporters spoke up. “How is Neil Josten? When will he be able to play again?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hello Nancy. I was just on my way to visit Neil. I wish I knew more,” Kevin replied. He knew that Andrew and definitely Neil wouldn’t care about what he said to the press, but he still was in no mood to talk to them. Short and sweet was his plan, though he highly doubted that it would work. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Richard West,” another reporter said while shoving a microphone in his face. Kevin simply looked at him while thinking about rolling his eyes. “Who else is here visiting Josten?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Most of his collegiate teammates have filtered in and out,” Kevin responded. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not his current team?” West asked. Kevin truly thought that every reporter was stupid. If any of them even </span>
  <em>
    <span>remotely </span>
  </em>
  <span>knew Neil or Andrew, they would know that they are not the most welcoming people. Despite Kevin telling them how it would affect their career, Andrew and Neil really only interacted with one person from their team without complaining to each other in Russian. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am not entirely positive about that, West, but I’m sure they are concerned,” Kevin said. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Concerned?” a reporter asked. “What does that mean-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Does Neil have any family here?” a different reporter asked, louder than the others. Kevin didn’t realize that he was glaring at the person until they flinched away from him. He then crafted his face again, but Kevin really had no tolerance for that question. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I fail to see how that has any importance here. Neil has everyone he needs. I suggest that you don’t ask that question again,” Kevin responded and didn’t bother masking the anger in his voice. He watched as shock crossed some of the reporters’ faces while others just looked astonished. Kevin thought that he maybe understood, if only a little, why Neil enjoyed constantly ripping the press to shreds. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin snapped back to reality when one of the elevators opened. He was just about to turn away when someone asked another question. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Last question, Day, if you don’t mind,” Nancy said. When he didn’t respond within that second, she started speaking again. “There have been rumors of Josten being in a relationship with someone, is that true? If so, could you tell us who?” Kevin felt a heavy gaze land on him and he looked up to see Andrew leaning against one of the walls near the elevators. He was looking at Kevin with bland curiosity. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kevin figured that after being in so many life or death scenarios, that he should know when he was looking one in the face. Andrew didn’t look mad - though who could really tell except for Neil - but just like he didn’t have enough in him to care about Kevin’s answer at that moment. Kevin didn’t think that telling the press would make any of it less stressful. Yet Andrew and Neil had both made it very clear that they didn’t give a fuck about what people thought about their relationship. Andrew said that he didn’t care if it ruined his career and Neil said that he would have no problem yelling at more people if he needed to. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, he is with someone and I believe that they are very happy together. Anything else about their relationship is none of your business. Excuse me,” Kevin said and walked away. Andrew already had an elevator waiting by the time he got there and they both quickly slipped in. Kevin subtly spammed the close-door button as Andrew flipped the reporters off while the doors slid closed. For once, Kevin didn’t mind. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When they doors fully shut, Kevin could see Andrew looking at him out of the corner of his eye. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Kevin asked and turned to look at him. Andrew said nothing. “Don’t give me that look.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not giving you a look,” Andrew responded and took his coffee. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’ll ruin your career,” Kevin responded. Andrew just sipped his coffee. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Decaf,” Andrew said. Kevin didn’t know how he could tell. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Too much caffeine isn’t good for you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what about vodka?” Kevin glared at him. “I’ll talk to your dad about it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re really enjoying this conversation,” Kevin said and Andrew nodded. “How can you be like this when Neil can’t even fucking remeber-” </span>
</p><p>-</p><p>
  <span>Andrew snapped. He punched Kevin in the face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Don’t fucking tell me what I should be feeling. You have no fucking idea, Day,” Andrew said. Kevin shook his head out, managed to not spill the coffee, and looked over at Andrew. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t know what to tell the press,” Kevin said. “I can’t tell them that you’re his boyfriend-” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Fiance,” Andrew said. He shoved off Kevin and walked out of the elevator before Kevin could say something that would have Andrew sending him right back down to the press with a few knife wounds. </span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hi. hi. hello. </p><p>i hope you liked it - let me know if you did!<br/>let me know if you have something specific you want to see or if you like where its headed! </p><p>as per usual,<br/>thank you for reading! </p><p>im out, my fellow members of the scout regiment (i dont have a tumblr but feel free to come talk to me in the comments)  </p><p>thank you again!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. i can't change the way i think</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW: references Neil's past abuse, referenced violence, homophobia, explicit language.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>what's up aftg frogs<br/>welcome to chapter six<br/>sorry it's late - though this is the longest chapter i have written for this fic as of now<br/>a n y w a y s ;)</p><p>i hope you like it </p><p>i will see you at the bottom</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Neil raised his eyebrows at Andrew when he walked into the room. Saying that he looked pissed would have been an understatement. Neil didn’t think that anyone else would have noticed. </p><p>“What’s wrong?” Neil asked. </p><p>“Kevin’s an asshole,” Andrew responded. Neil then saw someone who he assumed was Kevin walking towards the room. Andrew turned around and shut the door in his face. Kevin didn’t even try to open it. </p><p>“So your master plan is to lock him out of the room?” Andrew passed Neil an unimpressed look.  </p><p>“Is there a problem with that?” Andrew asked. </p><p>“Andrew,” Kevin said through the door. “Let me in.” </p><p>“If you keep your undesirable and unwanted opinions to yourself, I will,” Andrew said and Neil snorted. </p><p>“We need to talk about this-” Kevin got cut off. </p><p>“Yes,” Andrew said. “<em> We </em> do. Neil and I.” </p><p>“Just open the fucking door, Andrew.” Neil was content to just sit and watch it play out. He almost wished that he had popcorn.  </p><p>“Tell me that you’re not going to say anything.” </p><p>“This is important. You two really shouldn’t-”</p><p>“I don’t remember proposing to Neil <em> and </em> Kevin <em> . </em> You are not a part of this. Accept that and I will let you in,” Andrew said. </p><p>Ah. Neil then understood what they were arguing about. Andrew, though, seemed to have it completely under control. </p><p>Kevin let out an exasperated sigh when Andrew started to walk away from the door. </p><p>“Fine. I’ll shut up,” Kevin said.</p><p>“Oh, don’t tease,” Andrew shot back and Neil smiled. </p><p>“And here I was wondering why I didn’t believe him,” Neil murmured and he saw the faint smile on Andrew’s face.</p><p>“There’s no way he’s going to shut up about this. I just want to make sure that if I happen to stab him later, I have a reason.” Andrew shrugged. Neil snorted and shifted over in the bed to make room. Andrew then opened the door and Kevin stalked in, clearly annoyed.   <br/>To Neil, Kevin’s face was so familiar. Neil felt like he had studied every inch of it yet something about his face looked wrong. Everything about Kevin, though, made Neil feel utterly unsafe; as if Kevin was a loose end he had never tied up. </p><p>Feeling Neil tense next to him, Andrew grabbed his hand and laced their fingers together. It helped much more than it should have. </p><p>“Your face is different,” Neil said and Kevin looked over at him. </p><p>“Neil,” he said. Kevin almost looked unsure of what to do and something about that surprised Neil. </p><p>“That’s my name,” Neil responded and Andrew shook his head. “Your face isn’t normal.” </p><p>“Have you looked in the fucking mirror-” Andrew threw his phone at Kevin who ducked just in time. </p><p>“You’ve got to stop doing that,” Kevin said to Andrew who just shrugged and played with the fabric of his armband. Kevin took the hint. </p><p>“That chess piece wasn’t always there, right?” Neil asked. He didn’t know what prompted the question, but besides changing physical features, the tattoo seemed to be his best bet as to what was throwing him off. </p><p>“No,” Kevin said, looking frustrated. “I had a different tattoo and went over it with this. Can we get back to the point?” Neil looked over at Andrew. He looked absolutely bored with the conversation. </p><p>“Let me guess. It’ll ruin our careers that I’m assuming we both have and that we should keep it a secret until Court,” Neil said. Andrew’s head turned to look at him. </p><p>“When did you get that?” he asked. </p><p>“Put two and two together. It kind of came to me when you were out,” Neil said and kissed Andrew’s forehead. </p><p>“What was that for.” It wasn’t a question. Andrew looked annoyed but seemed to have no intent to tell him to stop.</p><p>“I also remembered how we met.” Andrew raised an eyebrow. “You <em> truly </em> took my breath away-” </p><p>“Fuck you,” Andrew said and Neil smiled. </p><p>“Those were my first words to you.” </p><p>“They’re repeated constantly,” Andrew said </p><p>“You asshole,” Neil responded. </p><p>“This is what I’m talking about,” Kevin interjected. </p><p>“Day. Forgot that you were here,” Neil said and enjoyed the play of anger that crossed Kevin’s face. </p><p>“Both of you are screwed if the press finds out about this. You know that, right?” he asked. Neil and Andrew didn’t answer. “And do you care?” Silence. “Awesome. You both are just great.” Andrew just stared at the wall and Neil looked plainly at Kevin. “Fine. Do whatever the hell you want, but if you plan on coming out, be prepared to switch teams because I doubt your team will tolerate this.” Neither of them responded. Neil leaned in closer to Andrew. </p><p>“Do you have a pin? I’d like to hear it drop,” Neil said and Andrew rolled his eyes. Kevin stalked out of the room a few seconds later and slammed the door behind him. Neil didn’t find that he cared. </p><p>“I talked to Aaron,” Andrew said and Neil looked at him to continue. “You will be released in the next few days. They just want to monitor your progress a little more.” </p><p>The door opened again before Neil was able to respond. Andrew narrowed his eyes and Neil snapped his head to the side to see who it was. Neil didn’t recognize her yet she wore a New York exy jacket so he assumed that she had something to do with their team. </p><p>“Neil,” she said before her eyes immediately locked on Andrew sitting next to him. Neil felt very defensive at that moment. “Andrew? What the hell? You told me that you were in Columbia visiting your cousin.” </p><p>“I lied,” Andrew said. </p><p>“Excuse me?” she asked and Andrew didn’t bother repeating himself. “You have two seconds to explain what you’re doing here visiting your least favorite player on the team.” </p><p>“You want me to do <em> what </em>?” Andrew asked, letting some anger slip into his voice. </p><p>“I’m not taking your shit right now, Minyard. I want to know why you two are in the same bed when it takes the entire fucking team to get you both to coaperate for a single practice.”</p><p>“I got hurt,” Neil said, gauging her reaction. She looked unamused but Neil saw the anger flash behind her eyes. The question was whether or not she would act on it. </p><p>“Need I remind you both that you hate each other?”</p><p>“He does hate me,” Neil said, shurgging. He wasn’t lying.  </p><p>“Then why are you holding hands?” she asked. </p><p>“No reason not to,” Andrew responded. </p><p>“And you’ve been here this whole time?” </p><p>“Yes,” Andrew said. </p><p>“Why are you two laying together?” Neil wondered how oblivious people must have to be to miss their relationship. He didn’t remember everything, but from what he did, it seemed like him and Andrew were hardly separated. </p><p>Neil looked at Andrew then back at the coach. </p><p>“The floor is hard,” Neil said and probably would have enjoyed the pissed-off expression that crossed her face if he wasn’t worried about the fact that she was a complete stranger to him. She opened her mouth again. </p><p>“Seventeen,” Andrew deadpanned. Both of their heads turned to look at him. “Just counting how many questions until you hit twenty.” </p><p>“Really, Minyard,” she said and sighed heavily. “Someone fill me in. Now.” </p><p>“Neil got hurt, Dolly,” Andrew said. “I came to see him.” Dolly was fuming and her hands were clenched in fists at her sides. Neil didn’t like it. He didn’t like her rigid stance or the anger in her eyes. She took a step towards them. </p><p>“One,” Neil said. His tone was violent and he really didn’t give a shit.</p><p>“What?” Dolly asked and stopped moving. </p><p>“Just how many steps until I hit you first,” Neil responded. Dolly’s eyes widened in what he assumed to be fear, but her face then turned incredulous. Neil wondered if she finally took her head out of her ass and made the connection.  </p><p>“No,” she whispered, looking between the two. “There is no way in Hell-” Dolly cut herself off. “Shit.” </p><p>Neil glanced at Andrew as Dolly turned around and ran a hand over her face, muttering a series of swears under her breath. Andrew just stared back when Dolly turned around. The anger in her face was replaced with shock. </p><p>“You two are together,” Dolly said and let out a breath when neither of them denied it. “And you didn’t tell me this, why?” </p><p>“None of your business,” Andrew responded. </p><p>“This is totally my fucking buisness. You two are the best players on my <em> team </em> - I should have known about this. I should have at least known that you weren’t straight.” </p><p>“What would have changed?” Andrew asked, narrowing his eyes. Dolly looked taken aback. </p><p>“Well, I would have-” Dolly stuttered. </p><p>“You would have what?” Andrew asked, leaning forward. “Would you have not accepted Neil’s transfer? Or would you have not brought me on your team because I’m gay? Would you have not signed either of us? Tell me, what would you have done differently?” Dolly opened her mouth before closing it. </p><p>“I would choose your words very carefully,” Neil said. She was really pissing him off. </p><p>“I wouldn’t have signed-” Dolly started. </p><p>“Say one more word and I will throw my contract down the trash,” Neil said. Dolly looked like she wasn’t surprised by Neil’s words. “Since when did our relationship or Andrew being gay affect how well we can play exy? And because you’re clearly having delusions of competence, I will tell you the answer. It doesn’t make a fucking difference. Accept this, because it is not going away. If you can’t, I will gladly join another team and I’m sure Andrew isn’t going to stay with your homophobic ass either, and we will then enjoy the look on your face when we knock you out of the season much sooner than if we had been on your team.” </p><p>Neil felt Andrew press his face against his shoulder and could feel the slight smile that covered his lips. Andrew raised an eyebrow at Dolly. </p><p>“Ok,” Dolly said, jaw only slightly tense. </p><p>“Ok, what?” Neil asked. </p><p>“Ok to your relationship,” Dolly responded with what looked like a hell of a lot of effort.</p><p>“So you’re fine with neither of us being straight?” Andrew then asked. “You would be fine if we went to a pride parade in our jerseys? What if we came out at the next game?” Dolly said nothing and that was the final straw. </p><p>“Fuck you, Dolly,” Neil said. “Do you know how many other teams would like to have us? I hope I never see you again, but I guess it’s inevitable as you are going to have to watch us win finals.” Dolly looked outraged. Neil let himself enjoy that look. She stormed out of the room a few seconds later. </p><p>Neil then turned to face Andrew. </p><p>“We do have other options, right?” Neil asked. </p><p>“You’re coming on my team.” Kevin’s voice rang through the room. Neil looked over and saw him stand just outside the door. </p><p>“You listened to that?” Neil asked.  </p><p>“I saw her walk in. I knew this was going to happen,” Kevin said. “Our goalie sucks and we could use the faster player in exy.” Neil looked over at Andrew. </p><p>“And your team will be fine with Andrew and I?” Neil asked. </p><p>“My coach isn't homophobic,” Kevin responded. “He and his husband haven’t come out to the exy world yet but he’d back you up on whatever you wanted to do.” </p><p>“Leave us, Day,” Andrew said. Kevin passed him an annoyed look. “Fine. We’ll play for your team. Now leave.” </p><p>“Good. Come find me later,” Kevin said and left. </p><p>“I’ve met his coach. His team was my second choice,” Andrew said. </p><p>“How did we end up on Dolly’s team?” Neil asked and Andrew narrowed his eyes. “What?” </p><p>“It is the closest to PSU,” Andrew said and Neil broke into a smile. </p><p>“I figured,” Neil said. “I just wanted to hear you say it.” </p><p>“Why am I getting penalized for the fact that you constantly attract death?” Neil rolled his eyes.</p><p>“And here I was thinking that you wanted to be close to me. My mistake.” Neil smirked.</p><p>“Fuck you,” Andrew said and leaned in to kiss Neil. Andrew ran his hands under his shirt and Neil was in love with every point of contact. It felt like the world was bruning. </p><p>“Yes,” Neil mumbled against Andrew’s lips and Andrew pushed off the bed and straddled Neil’s legs. Neil traced his hands across Andrew’s shoulders and over the muscles in his arms. Everything else that Neil could have been thinking about fell away. Neil broke off to trail kisses down Andrew’s jaw and onto his neck, sucking a patch of skin that would no doubt be red tomorrow. Neil enjoyed the shiver that went through Andrew and he smiled against his neck. Andrew, stubborn as always, pulled on Neil’s hair to bring his mouth back up to his. </p><p>When they finally pulled away, Neil couldn’t help but stare at Andrew and think about how everything was worth it. The torture, the check during the game, everything that had ever happened to him was worth it for Andrew. Maybe he shouldn’t have been thinking that way, but Neil didn’t care enough to make himself stop. </p><p>“Stop it,” Andrew said. </p><p>“Can’t help it,” Neil responded. “Everything was worth it.” He knew that Andrew understood what he meant.</p><p>“360%, Josten,” Andrew said. Neil bit his lip but it did nothing to stop his smile and he didn’t care. </p><p>-</p><p>Dan was walking up from the food court with Matt and Allison. They had been staying at an apartment Allison owned in the city so they were close to the hospital. No one really had any desire to go home without making sure Neil was ok. </p><p>Dan knew that Neil was, technically, fine. She had been told that a countless number of times by multiple different people yet it didn’t feel like Neil was fine when she hadn’t seen him in over two weeks. </p><p>She also understood that he couldn’t be safter, Renee had been telling her, than where he was next to Andrew. No matter how confusing or fucked up their relationship seemed, Dan, technically, knew that Andrew was the best person for Neil to be with. She was also glad that out of everyone he knew, Neil remembered Andrew and still felt safe with him.</p><p>Really, though, Dan just wanted to stop thinking for a little bit. Her mind hadn’t shut off for weeks. Her and Matt were sleeping like shit and the ‘See you this weekend, Neil’ turned into ‘See you in three weeks, Neil’ very quickly. </p><p>Dan stopped that thought the second it came and decided to listen in on the conversation Allison and Matt were having.</p><p>“I know,” Matt joked. “I’m surprised that Andrew has left so many of the nurses still alive. It could have something to do with Aaron working here.” Allison flipped her hair over her shoulder with a manicured hand. </p><p>“Please,” Allison said flippantly. “Don’t think that the monster hasn’t come up with multiple ways to make deaths go unnoticed if need-be. That’s how he got the nickname, isn’t it?” Dan stopped walking and stared after them. <em>Had she heard that right?</em> </p><p>“I don’t think he would actually kill them,” Matt said, rubbing a hand along the back of his neck. </p><p>“Wait until they tell him bad news,” Allison responded. Dan couldn’t believe what she was hearing.</p><p>“You’re fucking kidding me, right?” Dan asked. Both Allison and Matt stopped on the stairs and turned to look at her. “Do you two even know what’s happening?” Allison and Matt exchanged looks. </p><p>“We know, Dan,” Matt said with a concerned look on his face. </p><p>“We could have lost him,” Dan responded. It sounded a little harsher than she had intended, yet she wasn’t wrong, was she?   </p><p>“You can’t think like that, Dan,” Allison said. She gave Dan a playful and scolding look, but Dan knew her well enough to not take Allison at face-value. Too many people underestimated her that way. </p><p>“How would you like me to think? Would you prefer me to joke about Andrew killing people than think about what is actually happening?” Dan looked at both of them. She couldn’t help but voice what she felt; not when it came to something like that. </p><p>“Dan, come on-” Matt started.</p><p>“Don’t ‘come on’ me. You don’t get to do that,” Dan said and Matt winced. “Do you realize that Neil wouldn't be here if he didn’t remember Andrew? We would have lost him. Or can you think for one fucking second what Andrew is going through right now?” </p><p>“Back off-” Allison said.</p><p>“No, I won’t, because you’re ignoring the fact that the love of Andrew’s life can’t remember a single thing about their relationship. Sure, we’re upset that Neil doesn’t remember us, but it’s completely different for Andrew. Imagine if every single date you went on with Renee just suddenly got erased, Allison. Or if I didn’t remember you saying ‘yes’ to my proposal, Matt. Yet I’m sure you’d just prefer to sit here and call Andrew a ‘monster’ and recount every bad thing you think he would do all the while ignoring the Hell that he’s going through. Not to mention the fact that you both know that Andrew would only do those things for someone he cares about. Even Aaron has more fucking sympathy than that,” Dan said. She could feel herself breaking down and she hated it. She hated the fact that she was yelling at her husband and friend, defending someone she didn’t even hang out with without Neil. </p><p>Dan watched as Allison turned and stalked up the next level without them. She heard the door slam above her seconds later. </p><p>“You know I’m not ignoring that,” Matt said. “You know that Andrew’s my friend.” </p><p>“I know,” Dan said. “I’m sorry.” Every time Neil had come over to their house, Matt and Andrew had gotten along a lot better than anyone, herself included, expected them to. They had developed some sort of mutual understanding that Dan was yet to figure out. </p><p>Matt then pulled Dan into a hug and she let out multiple shuddering breaths that were practically crying without any tears.  </p><p>“I’ll apologize to Allison later,” Dan mumbled. </p><p>“She might want it, but I don’t think you were completely in the wrong. Harsh? Yes. Wrong? No,” Matt said. </p><p>“I’m always harsh,” Dan said and she could feel Matt chuckle against her. </p><p>“I love you, Dan.” </p><p>“I love you, too,” Matt responded and they both started back up the stairs. They opened the door to the level that the Foxes were on. Dan registered the tension in the room in seconds and she snapped her eyes up to see Neil walking with Andrew’s arm around his waist. Dan dropped the water she was holding.  </p><p>Neil’s head immediately turned to her and Dan was overwhelmingly reminded of Neil’s first year at Palmetto. He looked flighty and seemed to be assessing everyone in the room. </p><p>Renee, forever the peacemaker, then walked over to them and Neil’s eyes softened as she started talking. To everyone else in the room though, Neil looked at them like he had never met them before. </p><p>Dan started to walk over, accepted Andrew’s warning look, and decided to stay an arm’s length away. </p><p>“Neil,” Dan said. When Neil turned to look at her, Dan was completely taken aback by the cold look in his face. Dan didn’t remember the last time Neil had looked at her like that. </p><p>It was hard to see him when he was just so - different? It wasn’t just the fact that Neil <em> looked </em>different, though that had a lot to do with it. From what Matt had described to Dan, his black eyes were a lot better but she could still see the discoloration of his skin. He really just looked tired. That wasn’t even including the fact that Neil only had a quarter inch of his hair left. </p><p>Dan couldn’t remember the last time <em> she </em>had felt like that around Neil. He always had a way about him that could make someone feel scared for their life, uncertain as to whether they should move, or feel completely welcome. To say that Dan felt like she should have left the hospital the second he looked at her was an understatement. </p><p>“How are you?” Dan asked. He was walking, so that had to be a good sign, right? Neil just looked at her long enough to make Dan question if she had said something or not. She looked between Andrew and Neil a couple times before landing on Andrew. </p><p>“He’s fine,” Andrew said and Dan glared at him. </p><p>“Neil. I’m Dan. I was your captain for your first two years at PSU.” </p><p>“Ok,” Neil responded. She had forgotten how closed off Neil was before he had really gotten to know them. “Are we done?” Dan exhaled an empty laugh and looked back at Andrew who just stared at her with a bored expression. Typical.</p><p>“Yeah, I guess,” Dan said. She then moved to the side as a doctor blew by them and practically ran into Matt. Dan watched as Matt lunged back to get out of the way and ran into Neil’s back. </p><p><em> Shit </em>. </p><p>-</p><p> Andrew felt Neil move before he registered anything else. He flipped around just in time to see Neil’s fist connect with Matt’s neck and Neil winding up for another hit. Andrew then threw himself between Neil’s arm and Boyd. Andrew was able to tell Boyd to get to his knees yet Neil had too much momentum to stop the blow. </p><p>“Drew,” Neil said. He had thrown the punch to the side at the last second causing it to land on Andrew’s shoulder, not his face. “What the hell?” </p><p>“Do you trust me?” Andrew asked. </p><p>“Don’t ask stupid questions,” Neil said and Andrew passed him a flat look. </p><p>“This is Matt,” Andrew said and Neil nodded. Andrew could hear Matt’s rough breathing behind him and Dan’s curses under her breath. </p><p>“I know,” Neil said and Andrew raised an eyebrow at him. “Matt Dononvan Boyd, my best friend. Dan Wilds, his wife. I went over to their house a few weeks ago and saw their two daughters.” Andrew just looked at Neil and he looked back. Neil’s expression didn’t change, but Andrew ignored how his gaze almost fucking softened when they made eye contact. </p><p>“Are you going to make me ask the fucking obvious?” Andrew asked. </p><p>“You, of all people,” Neil said with a playful look in his eyes, “are going to make me justify punching someone?” </p><p>“That fucking mouth,” Andrew said. </p><p>“Are you ok?” </p><p>“You’re asking me that?” Neil glared at him. </p><p>“Yes or no?” Neil asked. Andrew could tell that he felt guilty about hitting him. Neil, like Andrew, could deliver one hell of a punch. </p><p>Andrew leaned in towards Neil and a piece of crumpled paper then hit the side of his face. </p><p>“Fuck you, Aaron,” Andrew said. </p><p>“No PDA in the lobby,” Aaron said, walking into Andrew’s line of sight. “How did you know it was me?” Andrew just stared at him.  </p><p>“Matt,” Neil said, stepping around him. “I’m sorry.” </p><p>“Wow. That was really heartfelt, Neil,” Allison said. Her undertone was painfully obvious.  </p><p>“Do you have an extra piece of paper,” Andrew said to Aaron. It wasn’t really a question. </p><p>“Fuck you, Minyard,” Allison said and Neil turned a glare on her before looking back at Matt. </p><p>“Why the hell did you punch him, Neil?” Dan asked from where she was pulling Matt back to his feet. </p><p>“I remember a decent amount about both of you from probably the past six months,” Neil said. “I know who you are and I remember hanging out all the time but I don’t feel anything when I look at you. I’m sure I wouldn’t have reacted like that if you hadn’t felt like a stranger touching me.” </p><p>Andrew could tell when Neil didn’t care about something. He knew that Neil could control his features and facial expressions very well, but Neil’s face was just blank. It read <em> nothing. </em> Andrew had gotten very good at reading Neil and he could tell the difference between a blank face and one that doesn’t require any effort. </p><p>Andrew looked over at Dan and Matt and could tell that someone was about to break. </p><p>“Let’s go,” Andrew said to Neil who nodded. Andrew knew that someone - though he had no fucking clue as to who - would start crying and that Neil wouldn’t give a shit. That probably wouldn’t help. </p><p>“Sorry about the punch, Matt,” Neil said, dismissively, before walking away with Andrew. </p><p>They walked through the halls in silence for a little bit and Andrew’s mind kept going back to the punch. The fact that Neil managed to knock all of the breath out of a 6’2” professional athlete who’s mom was a wrestler. Andrew hated how much he liked that. Andrew hated himself.</p><p>“What are you thinking about?” Neil asked and Andrew shoved his face away with two fingers. </p><p>“Nothing,” Andrew said. Neil gave him a smug look. “Shut up.” </p><p>“I’m not doing anything,” Neil said. </p><p>“You’re existing. That’s enough.” Andrew didn’t let himself think about the layers to what he just said. About the fact that Neil existing was enough to drive Andrew insane yet also keep him alive. Both were Andrew’s fault.</p><p>So he really had no problem saying that he hated himself. </p><p>“That was one hell of a punch,” Andrew said and Neil smiled. Andrew couldn’t help but think about what parts of his life Neil didn’t know he was missing.  </p><p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>welcome back, 4500 words later<br/>we are diving into memory lane next chapter... </p><p>i hope you liked the chapter, and let me know if you did! </p><p>come talk to me in the comments if you'd like<br/>and as always,<br/>thank you for reading!</p><p>im out, distinguished guests - wow. way too fucking formal. lets try this again </p><p>im out, frogs. see you then (much better)</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. long before this happened</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW: homophobic language (including slurs), violence, mentions Neil's past abuse, mentions Andrew's past abuse, referenced murder. sex is referenced.<br/>*let me know anything I should add*</p><p>This chapter is Neil having a flashback - not Neil in the present.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>what's up my aftg chimps</p><p>it's been a while - i apologize. i had this chapter nearly finished last week, yet my mental health was not working with me and it's hard to write a happy chapter when i wasn't, exactly. </p><p>well, we are back up and cruising now<br/>and i present to you the 7000 words of chapter seven </p><p>i would really like to thank @Rollergirl25 for the comment suggesting this chapter and some help with music tastes (which will make sense soon). i appreciate all of the love and hope this is what you are looking for &lt;3</p><p>well, chimps, i hope you like it<br/>see you at the bottom</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For the Foxes end of year farewell, they had all wanted to do something big for their last time as a team together. They were all gathered in the girls’ room, which was not nearly big enough for all of them, but they made it work; Nicky was jammed on a chair with Allison, Matt had Dan in his lap on one of the couches, Aaron, Kevin, and Renee were sitting on the floor in front of the tv. </p><p>They all had drinks and were discussing where to go and what to do. Neil hadn’t put much input in, partially because he couldn’t care less as to where they went as long as he was with them. Yet it was mostly because Andrew was sitting on the couch with Neil on the floor between his legs and he was - completely - distracted. Neil had his head rested against the inside of Andrew’s knee and was content to let Andrew card his hands through his hair. Really, Neil couldn’t have been happier. </p><p>“How about going to another cabin?” Dan suggested. </p><p>“We did that last year, Dan, and I want something new,” Allison said while elbowing Nicky to move over in the chair. </p><p>“Watch it,” Nicky said. “Could you elbow me softer next time?” Allison just smirked. </p><p>“Hey, what about a concert?” Matt asked which sparked a lot of chatter around the room.  </p><p>“Not an awful idea, Boyd,” Allison said then threw her hands up to get everyone’s attention, as if she didn’t already have it. “First we need to figure out everyone’s music taste.” Neil could practically feel Andrew’s eyes roll above him. “Who wants to start?” Allison waited a third of a second before speaking again. “Me? Sure. I like 2000s hits and the most recent songs but unlike other people, I actually know which songs are shit and which ones aren’t.” Everyone was silent for a minute, just looking around the room. Renee spoke up a few seconds later. </p><p>“I like AJR,” Renee said and everyone in the room stared at her in awe. Neil had no clue who AJR was, but was content to watch how other people reacted. </p><p>“Seriously?” Nicky asked. </p><p>“Yes,” Renee responded and looked at him as if challenging him to say something about it. </p><p>“I liked AJR, in like, sixth grade,” Matt said with a laugh and Renee just smiled. </p><p>“I guess it stuck for me,” she said, tying her rainbow hair up in a ponytail. </p><p>“We are going to have to change that, Re,” Allison said and Renee lightly glared at her with a smile. “Dan? Your turn.” </p><p>“Personally,” Dan said, “I like 80s club music.” </p><p>“Wow,” Matt mumbled. “How did I not know that?” Dan just shrugged and looked at Matt expectantly. “Oh, me? I’ll be fine with anything, really.” </p><p>“Now that we’ve established that you two are absolutely useless,” Allison said. Neither of them seemed to care. “Aaron, your turn.” Aaron glared at her and crossed his arms. He said nothing. “Come on, Minyard. It can’t be that bad.” Aaron let out an annoyed breath.</p><p>“Fine, but I don’t want to hear shit about this,” Aaron said and that got the room quiet. “I like k-pop.” Neil watched as everyone’s eyes went wide. He even felt Andrew’s hand stop moving in his hair for a second before continuing. Dan had to turn her head into Matt’s shoulder to keep quiet. Nicky had a fist against his mouth but Neil could hear him snickering from all the way across the room. Even Renee looked to have a slight smirk on her mouth. “Shut the fuck up.” </p><p>“You don’t even listen to English music,” Allison said through a laugh. </p><p>“What is your favorite band?” Renee sincerely asked Aaron. He looked at her in slight surprise before answering.</p><p>“BTS,” Aaron responded. </p><p>“I like them too,” Renee said, louder than before as she tried to get everyone to quit laughing. “I love Blackpink, though.” </p><p>“I can’t believe you like them better,” Aaron said before looking at Renee skeptically. “So you're a blink?” </p><p>“Yes,” Renee responded. “I’m assuming you’re an army.” </p><p>Aaron nodded. They both seemed to regard each other for a few minutes before reaching some unknown agreement. They then turned back to the room that had gone completely quiet. </p><p>“Ok,” Allison eventually said. “Moving on. Who’s next.” Allison didn’t really word it as a question and more as something she said before she made the decision herself. “Kevin. You’ve been quiet. Spill.” Kevin’s head snapped up so fast from where he was looking at the ground that Neil was surprised that he didn’t get whiplash. </p><p>“I’m fine,” Kevin said. </p><p>“That’s my line,” Neil interjected and Kevin just looked at him. </p><p>“No one will make fun of you,” Matt said.</p><p>“Well all know that’s bullshit,” he responded. </p><p>“Grow up, Kevin,” Allison said. “Spill. We will make fun of you, but you’ll just have to get over that.” </p><p>“Fine. I don’t really care what you think anyways,” Kevin said before crossing his arms. “I like One Direction.” Neil counted three seconds of complete silence before the room erupted into laughter. Allison was laughing so hard that she shoved Nicky off the chair who clearly was too busy trying to catch his breath to care. Dan had a hand slapped over her face and Matt seemed to be practically crying. Aaron was looking at Kevin like he had grown three heads and Neil swore he heard Andrew huff a laugh. Or, as much of a laugh someone could get out of him. </p><p>“You’re...a…directioner?” Matt asked through gasping breaths. Kevin just glared at him before taking a swing of vodka. </p><p>“Do you, like, know all the members? Do you have a favorite one?” Nicky asked. </p><p>“Yes, I know all the members, and I like Louis the best, if you really care that much to know,” Kevin said. It did absolutely nothing to stop the laughter. </p><p>“Ok. I am no longer ashamed of my music taste,” Nicky said. </p><p>“Music is wonderful because of how it makes you feel is different for each person,” Renee said. “You have no reason to feel ashamed, Kevin.” </p><p>“Yes,” Allison said. “Yes, you do.” Renee shot her a glare. </p><p>“Well,” Nicky started, “my music taste-” </p><p>“No,” at least half the people in the room said that in unison. Even Neil knew to stop Nicky there. </p><p>“Hey,” Nicky said, looking very offended. “How can you say that when you don’t even know what music I listen to?” </p><p>“Nicky,” Matt said piteously. “Well all know the music you listen to. You play it every time we are out. No offence, but it’s awful.”</p><p>“Boyd, I’m hurt,” Nicky responded. </p><p>“He’s not wrong,” Dan said. </p><p>“You listen to the Cupid Shuffle, Nicky,” Aaron said. </p><p>“What’s wrong with that?” he asked. </p><p>“You listen to it <em> so much </em>,” Aaron groaned. </p><p>“On repeat,” Matt supplied. </p><p>“While singing to it and dragging us along with you,” Dan responded. </p><p>“That’s not all I listen to,” Nicky said. </p><p>“Your club music isn’t that bad,” Allison said. “I actually kind of like it.” </p><p>“Your club music is good,” Dan agreed. “Just not anything - and I mean <em> anything </em> - else you listen to.” Everyone around the room nodded their agreement. </p><p>“Screw all of you,” Nicky said, sat down, and exaggeratedly looked away from every single one of them. </p><p>“Ok. Neil, I know you’ve only been in our world for a little while,” Allison said and Neil rolled his eyes. “Have you developed a music taste?” </p><p>“I just listen to what Andrew listens too,” Neil said. He smirked at how concerned everyone around the room looked as they brought their eyes up to Andrew. No one seemed too eager to ask Andrew anything. </p><p>“Neil,” Dan said and Neil turned his head to look at her. He rested his chin on Andrew’s leg. “Ask him.” </p><p>“You people are pathetic,” Neil said, smiling, and Dan’s eyes widened. Frankly, Neil thought it was funny how scared they were of Andrew. Did they really think that Andrew would kill them over a question of what music he likes? Even if they put their opinion in, Neil doubted that Andrew cared about what they thought anyway.</p><p>“Neil,” she said. Neil scoffed. </p><p>“No. Don’t ‘Neil’ me,” Neil said and Dan continued glaring at him.   </p><p>“Idiots,” Aaron mumbled. “Andrew. What music do you listen to?” Andrew turned a bored stare on Aaron and just looked at him for a few seconds. </p><p>“Rap,” Andrew said. </p><p>“Which artists?” Dan asked. Apparently she got some confidence in the last ten seconds. </p><p>“Tupac. Biggie. Mostly Eminem,” Andrew said. </p><p>“I love Eminem,” Matt said and Andrew turned to look at him with a slight interest that probably only Neil noticed. “Favorite songs?” </p><p>“<em> Criminal, Just Don’t Give a Fuck, I’m Back, My Darling, Marshall Mathers, Beautiful </em>,” Andrew rattled off.  </p><p>“<em> Beautiful </em> is such a good song. I also like <em> Lucky You </em> and <em> Leaving Heaven </em>.” </p><p>“That’s respectable,” Andrew said. Neil couldn’t help but smile. </p><p>“<em> Evil Twin </em> is another good one,” Neil said and everyone turned to look at him. “I’m not that uncultured.” </p><p>“Buddy. I’m super proud of you,” Matt said and Neil flipped him off. </p><p>“Well,” Allison announced, looking at her phone. “It seems that Eminem is the most consensual answer. There is a concert in New York next week.” A few cheers sounded from around the room. </p><p>“We should stay somewhere for the rest of the week,” Neil said. </p><p>“Way ahead of you, Josten. I’m thinking about renting a lake house. How does that sound?” Allison asked and everyone seemed to respond brightly towards the idea. </p><p>Neil felt Andrew’s hand poke the back of his neck. Neil turned to look at him and drew his eyebrows together after looking at Andrew’s face. He had seen that look behind Andrew’s eyes a few times before, and each time it usually had to do with preventing Neil from a panic attack. </p><p>As Andrew kept looking at him, Neil thought through the conversation that had just happened and came up with nothing that could trigger him. If anything, he was concerned about the concert for Andrew because of the large crowd, but Andrew had gotten better at expressing what he could or couldn’t handle and Neil trusted him. He looked back up at Andrew with a question in his eyes. </p><p>“Blondie,” Andrew said, bringing his eyes over to Allison. “Is the lake house on private property?” Allison looked surprised that Andrew was asking her a direct question, but answered anyway. By the quieting of voices around the room, Neil could tell that she wasn’t the only one surprised. Andrew didn’t seem to care. </p><p>“Of course,” Allison responded. </p><p>“Is there a private beach?” Andrew asked and realization dawned on Neil. Logically, Neil knew that he didn’t need to hide his emotions in front of the Foxes anymore, but if he said that he could barely handle talking about a beach he would either get asked <em> why </em>or just get pitying. </p><p>Neil could handle a lot yet getting looked at like he <em> couldn’t </em> handle something wasn’t included on the list.</p><p>Neil turned his head a little too quickly and his eyes darted up to Andrew’s. That was all it took. </p><p>“Pick somewhere else,” Andrew intonned to Allison. Neil let out a breath that he hadn’t realized that he was holding in. Yet because - Neil had been told on countless occasions - that he didn’t care about his mental health, he was going to argue anyways. </p><p>“Minyard. What the hell?” Allison asked. </p><p>“Andrew-” Neil started. </p><p>“I’m not going. Pick somewhere else,” Andrew said before standing up and walking out of the room. Neil sighed and stood up to follow him. </p><p>“Well,” Allison said. “I guess we have to pick somewhere else.” No one missed the undertone in her words. </p><p>“Is everything ok, Neil?” Matt asked just as he made it to the door. </p><p>“Yeah, don’t worry about it,” he responded before opening it and walking out into the hallway. Neil had gotten up quick enough that he saw the stairwell door finish closing and he then followed the stairs up to the roof. </p><p>Neil shoved the door open and saw Andrew standing near the edge of the roof, shaking two cigarettes out of his pack. Neil let the door bang closed so Andrew knew that he was there. </p><p>“I’m not weak, Andrew,” Neil said, walking towards him. </p><p>“You know that you don’t need to tell me that,” Andrew responded as he looked over at Neil. </p><p>“Then why? I can handle it. I’ve handled worse.” He knew that he was lying and knew that Andrew could tell. Neil couldn't help but feel angry; at his mom, at Nathan, at his fucked up life, at something <em> that he should be able to handle.  </em></p><p>“You don’t need to, Neil.” Andrew paused. “That’s why.” </p><p>“I’m not weak,” Neil said again. He couldn’t help himself. It had been beaten into Neil at a young age that he was never allowed to be weak. He didn’t need to tell Andrew that. </p><p>“It doesn’t make you weak, it just doesn’t make you suffer.” </p><p>“I wouldn't suffer.” </p><p>“No, maybe not,” Andrew said. “Yet the whole time that you could be focusing on your fucking mental cases of Foxes, you won’t be able to.” Neil had also learned by then that Andrew was hardly wrong. He couldn’t help the grin that split across his face. </p><p>“You look out for me,” Neil said. Andrew looked at him like he couldn’t believe what Neil just said. </p><p>“Don’t mistake not wanting you to panic for care, Josten. I hate you.”  </p><p>“I know. You have to care about something to be able to hate it.” Andrew’s eyes narrowed. </p><p>“I’m going to push you off this roof,” Andrew said and Neil smiled at the recycled remark from their first year.</p><p>“Do it.” Neil said and Andrew stepped closer to him. </p><p>“Yes or no?” Andrew asked. </p><p>“I’ll drag you down with me,” Neil responded as he leaned into the kiss. Andrew’s lips crashed against his and Neil couldn’t have been more content with life. The thought should have probably scared him, but Neil didn’t care enough to think about that when Andrew’s hands were traveling under his shirt. Neil threaded his hands through Andrew's hair.</p><p>“Yes or no?” Andrew mumbled. </p><p>“Yes,” Neil said and Andrew brought them down to the ground without ever breaking off from Neil’s lips. Neil let himself be pushed back against the concrete and Andrew threw a leg over Neil’s waist. Andrew broke the kiss and started to kiss his way down Neil's neck, no doubedly leaving marks that would drive the Foxes insane. Though, not around him or Andrew. </p><p>“I thought you said that my neck fettish is unattractive,” Neil said, finding it more difficult that it should have been to catch his breath. </p><p>“I hate you,” Andrew breathed against his mouth before kissing him again. </p><p>“Shirt?” Neil asked with Andrew’s mouth still moving against his. Neil couldn’t help how much he loved Andrew. </p><p>“Off.” Andrew pushed away from Neil who got his shirt off in one swift motion and Andrew back on top of him within three seconds. Andrew started down Neil’s torso and Neil was having a very difficult time focusing on anything but the location of Andrew’s mouth. </p><p>All of Neil’s thoughts skittered to a halt when Andrew dragged his mouth across a strip of skin that was dangerously close to the waistband of Neil’s pants. Neil didn’t find that he minded. He then tugged on Andrew’s hair and pulled his face back to Neil’s mouth. </p><p>Andrew kissed him one more time before pushing off Neil and throwing his shirt at his face. Neil narrowed his eyes. </p><p>“Do you really want to be in that position when someone comes looking for us?” Andrew asked. </p><p>“They know by now not to come up here,” Neil said as he put his shirt back on and Andrew stood up. Neil smirked. “Besides. Under you is the safest place I can think of.” Andrew looked at him, clearly unimpressed. </p><p>“Are you trying to get yourself killed?” Andrew asked and he held out a hand to haul Neil off the ground. </p><p>“Depends on who you ask,” Neil said. Andrew pulled him into another kiss. That one was slow, unrushed, but it still had the same fire as the ones from before. “Are you coming?” </p><p>“Soon,” Andrew said. Neil nodded and walked towards the door. Neil knew that he, physically, was walking away from Andrew, but something about what they had felt dependable in a way that Neil’s life had never been. He thought that he would actually let Andrew push him off the roof before he would ever want to let it go. </p><p>- </p><p>The Foxes went to an Eminem concert the following week. Neil loved it a lot more than he thought he would, and so had the others. Andrew had to leave twice to get away from the crowds but other than that, it had been a pretty smooth night up until that point. </p><p>Allison was looking up directions to the cabin she ended up renting. This one was in the mountains rather than the forest yet no one seemed to mind that it was partially similar to what they had done for their last vacation.  </p><p>They were all walking towards their cars in a group. Neil and Andrew had their hands locked together and if it happened to be because Andrew was still stressed and Neil made it better, no one had to know. </p><p>They reached the cars after the major rush had dissipated when Andrew saw a group of people looking over at them. He would have dismissed them if it wasn’t for the fact that Neil slightly stiffened next to him, likely sensing that something was off. Andrew squeezed Neil’s hand and subconsciously - he was telling himself that - drew him closer with an arm around his waist. Andrew knew that their deal had been broken for over a year, but Neil was an idiot if he thought that was going to stop Andrew from protecting him. </p><p>Andrew watched as the group of people migrated closer, and of course all of the other Foxes besides Aaron were completely oblivious. </p><p>“Oh, look here,” someone from the group said with a disgusted look on his face. “There seriously can’t be a couple of faggots at an Eminem concert.” The guy looked around his group of six other people and smiled.</p><p>They clearly had no idea as to who Andrew and Neil were because no one willingly approached the Foxes. </p><p>“Who the fuck do you think you are?” Dan asked. Andrew was almost surprised. </p><p>“I’m starting to think that I’m the one person here who isn’t dumb as a rock,” the guy responded, looking Dan up and down. Andrew felt Neil slightly shake next to him and if anything was going to freak him out, it was Neil being scared. Yet Andrew logically knew that Neil wasn’t, and when he looked over, he saw Neil trying to suppress a laugh. Neil then turned his head into Andrew’s neck and laughed some more. Andrew felt his shoulder shake. </p><p>“What are you laughing about?” someone else from the other group said. Neil turned his head and looked at them. </p><p>“It’s just,” he said between a laugh, “that I’ve been told that I’m an idiot before because of this anger problem I have, but standing next to you, I look like a fucking genuis.” Andrew tightened his arm around Neil. He hated how much he hated that fucking mouth. </p><p>“Do you really think that I’m going to trust a fags opinion?” the guy said and the smile that drew across Neil’s face glaringly reminded Andrew of Nathaniel. </p><p>“At least I didn’t pull my opinions out of my ass. Either that or you must have been dropped on your head as a kid, because that’s the only reason I can think for you to be such a shithead,” Neil said. The guy looked outraged. </p><p>“Shut the fuck-” he started. </p><p>“One more word out of your mouth will probably be your last,” Aaron cut in. He wasn’t wrong. “Believe me when I tell you that I’m helping you.” </p><p>“Even when you don’t deserve it,” Renee said. </p><p>“Right,” Aaron added. The guy scowled and his glare then glued to where Andrew had his arm around Neil. Andrew was throwing Neil out of the way before he even registered the guy’s arm swinging. </p><p>Andrew ducked just in time and grabbed the guy’s shoulders to throw him against the Maserati. He hit it with a satisfying crash. A fist that wasn’t his own and was beautifully scarred flew forward and hit the guy on the face before he could get back up. The guy then crumpled to the floor, clutching his nose. </p><p>“Fuck you,” Andrew said as the guy started to push off the ground. Andrew grabbed his shirt and pulled him up instead. He tightened his grip until his knuckles were white and the guy had much less air flow than he normally would. “I suggest that you watch what you say. I won’t be this nice next time.” </p><p>The guy nodded and Andrew tightened his grip to the point where the guy had to let go of his nose to grab at his neck. Neil then stepped next to Andrew and he took that as the warning that it was. Andrew dropped the guy and took slight pleasure in watching him scurry away. The rest of his group had left at that point. </p><p>“Yes or no?” Andrew heard Neil whisper. He turned, looking at Neil, and gave him a slight nod with an eyebrow raised. Neil leaned forward and Andrew fell into the kiss easily. They both knew that it could only last so long, so it was fierce and strong. Andrew saw Allison pull out her phone from the corner and he, unwillingly, - yet he also planned on ignoring that fact - took his hand from Neil’s hair and flipped the camera off. Neil laughed against his lips before mumbling,  “You’re so hot when you protect us.”</p><p>“And how did we manage to get so off topic?” he asked and Neil just smiled. </p><p>“Ayo,” Renee said, “lovebirds. We should really go.” Andrew passed her a look and Renee knew him well enough and smiled back. Andrew ignored both Nicky’s and Matt’s grins and Aaron’s and Kevin’s look before throwing the keys to the Maserati at Neil. </p><p>“You know how to get there, right?” Dan asked. </p><p>“I’m sure Andrew remembers,” Neil said over his shoulder before climbing into the car. </p><p>-</p><p>Neil pulled into the driveway to the cabin first and thought that they probably had twenty minutes before the rest of the Foxes got there. Andrew made fun of the fact that Neil didn’t drive any safer than he did, yet when running from the Butcher, driving within the laws had never really been on his mind. </p><p>Neil looked up at the cabin and didn’t think that ‘cabin’ was the right word for it. At all. It was practically a mansion in the middle of the mountains. They both climbed out of the car - Aaron was riding with Kevin in his new car, and Nicky with Matt - and made their way inside. </p><p>They walked into the kitchen and Neil hopped on the counter as Andrew started unpacking some of the grocery bags they had brought in before the concert. Neil was content to watch him and the way his arm muscles moved every time he picked something up. Neil couldn’t help the smile that drew over his face. Andrew looked up at him when he noticed. </p><p>“What,” Andrew said. It wasn’t a question.</p><p>“Nothing,” Neil responded and Andrew just passed him a flat look. Neil shrugged. “I like watching your arms.” Andrew looked at Neil like he was an idiot, yet Neil knew how much Andrew loved to build his arms. Neil realized that some part of that was because of exy, but he assumed that a major part of it was because Andrew didn’t like to be weak. Neil had started building his arms with Andrew last year. Andrew could bench way more than Neil could, but he was making progress. It was kind of an unspoken agreement between the two to not only protect each other, but to also be able to protect themselves. Neither of them had that growing up. </p><p>“Are you done?” Andrew asked and Neil shook his head. Andrew then walked over to put something in the fridge. Neil knocked his head to the side and watched as Andrew put the case of waters in the pantry. It looked <em> so good </em> to Neil, for some reason. Andrew then slammed the door closed and Neil immediately turned his head away. “For crossing so many identities, one would think you’d be better at this.” </p><p>“Fuck off,” Neil said. He turned back when he felt Andrew lightly touch his leg. Neil opened his legs to give Andrew a better spot and he angled his head up. Neil raised an eyebrow at him and Andrew nodded.   </p><p>Neil ducked his head and met Andrew’s lips. Neil, despite his best efforts, had been stressed the whole day but couldn’t think about any of the reasons at that moment. Andrew then trailed his hands up to the back of Neil’s neck then through his hair. He nodded against Neil’s lips and Neil’s hands went immediately to Andrew’s arms and traced the muscled that covered them. </p><p>They then broke apart, and Neil placed their heads together. Andrew took a few shuddering breaths before his air finally evened out. Despite being able to hide emotions very well, Neil thought that only himself and possible Renee noticed how tense Andrew had been at the concert. </p><p>“I feel bad,” Neil said, knowing that Andrew no doubt noticed his smirk, “that you have such a height disadvantage when I sit up here.” </p><p>“Oh really?” Andrew asked before his hands left Neil’s hair and moved down his back and to his thighs. Andrew then lifted Neil off the counter like he weighed nothing. Neil hooked his legs around Andrew’s waist yet kept his hands firmly planted in Andrew’s hair. “Better?” </p><p>“I’m not complaining,” Neil said into the next kiss. Andrew then started to walk them over to the door to their bedroom. Neil, with some effort, found enough oxygen to speak again. “Wow. I feel so used.” </p><p>Andrew then froze under him and it took Neil less than a second to realize where he messed up.</p><p>“No. Andrew. I didn’t mean it that way,” Neil said. </p><p>“I know,” Andrew replied and Neil could tell that he meant it. </p><p>“I want this, Andrew. I want you to carry me like this and lead us to the bedroom and whatever you want. I would tell you ‘no’ and I haven’t. As of now, I’m never planning on it,” Neil said and Andrew nodded. </p><p>“Reflex,” Andrew said. </p><p>“Do you want to stop?” Neil asked. He really didn’t, but he also didn’t want to push Andrew. </p><p>“As of now,” Andrew said, “I’m not planning on it.” Neil shook his head smiling, and Andrew leaned in for another kiss. Neil was back against the door and they both seemed to get too distracted to open it. Neil had to consciously think about how to get it open. He had his hand on the door knob when he heard a noise come from the front door. </p><p>Andrew must have heard it too because he dropped Neil and turned. Neil threw his knife in the direction of the sound the second his feet hit the ground and Andrew was in front of Neil with a knife in each hand. Neil’s instincts had always reacted quicker than his conscious thought. </p><p>Neil looked up and saw most of the Foxes in the doorway, eyes glued to the knife that was an inch from Matt’s shoulder and half an inch above Aaron’s head, stuck in the doorframe. </p><p>Andrew was sheathing his knives and he looked back at Neil with the slightest smile on his face. </p><p>“And you say I’m hot when I do that,” Andrew mumbled but Neil was too distracted to fully understand what he said. </p><p>“Shit,” Neil said. All of the Foxes turned to look at him. He didn’t know what to say. </p><p>“When did you learn to do that?” Dan asked, breathless. Neil was breathless too, but for a completely different reason. </p><p>“I don’t know,” Neil said. He had forgotten how little the Foxes still knew about him. Andrew knew almost everything, but that was Andrew. “Probably when I was eight or ten?” Everyone besides Aaron looked at Neil like they couldn’t believe what he had just said. Matt and Allison looked almost sad. </p><p>Just like that, Neil was back to reality. </p><p>“Why?” Allison asked and Dan hit her on the shoulder. Andrew then walked towards the Foxes, none of them moved, and then grabbed the knife and pulled it out of the wall. He twirled it between his fingers as he walked back to Neil. </p><p>“Throw it,” Neil said and Andrew didn’t hesitate before tossing him the knife. Neil caught it by the hilt and put it back up his armband. He then looked up to see that the Foxes still didn’t move as of then, and he realized that probably wasn’t a good idea either. </p><p>“Who’s up for <em> Never Have I Ever </em>?” Nicky asked as he walked up behind the people in the entryway, carrying alcohol. “What did I miss?” No one answered. “Come on, tell me.” </p><p>“Ok, Nicky. Let’s play,” Renee said as she made her way to the huge living room. The rest of the Foxes dissipated quickly and Nicky shrugged before following them in. </p><p>Neil followed Andrew in and settled in front of  him against the couch like usual. Nicky was on the other side of the coffee table, Renee was sitting with her legs thrown over Allison’s lap on the other couch, Matt and Dan were next to each other on the floor, and Kevin and Aaron, who both had their phones out, were sitting about a foot apart from each other, across from Neil. </p><p>“What are we playing?” Neil asked. </p><p>“<em> Never Have I Ever </em> ,” Nicky responded, pouring drinks. Nicky looked up when Neil didn’t respond. “Don’t tell me that you've never played <em> Never Have I Ever </em>.” </p><p>“Fine. I won’t,” Neil said. “Matt, I’ve never played <em> Never Have I Ever. </em>” </p><p>“Very funny, Neil,” Nicky said. </p><p>“I thought so.” Neil shrugged. “How do you play.” </p><p>“Someone says a statement about what they have never done, and anyone who at some point in their life has done what the person said, they take a drink. We then go around in a circle,” Matt said. Neil still only felt completely comfortable drinking in front of Andrew, yet he figured that he would take a few drinks before stopping. Renee slid him a coke across the coffee table and he thanked her with a nod. </p><p>“Ok,” Nicky said after passing out the drinks and bringing the attention back to him. “Let’s start easy. Never have I ever fainted.” Dan took a drink and so did Neil. No one else did. </p><p>“I’ve passed out before,” Dan said and everyone then turned to Neil. </p><p>“When I’ve gotten too tired,” he said, lying right through his teeth. Andrew tugged on his hair and Neil nodded a response to the silent accusation. </p><p>“Moving on,” Nicky said and he looked to Allison on his right. </p><p>“Never have I ever sexted,” Allison said. Nicky took a drink, which wasn’t much of a shock considering Eric is across the world in Germany. What was surprising was that Aaron took a drink. </p><p>“Aaron,” Nicky screeched. </p><p>“You’re kidding me, right?” Allison snorted. </p><p>“Well,” Aaron said, not looking up from his phone, “you said Katlyn wasn’t allowed to come.” </p><p>“You’re doing it right now?” Dan asked, incredulous. That got Aaron to look up and he simply nodded before a pillow hit him in the face. </p><p>“Fuck you, Andrew,” Aaron said, galaring up at him. Andrew just shrugged. </p><p>“Ok,” Nicky said, “so that goes on the list of things I never needed to know about my cousin.” </p><p>“What?” Aaron asked accusatively. “It’s not like I text my mom on this phone.” </p><p>The room went dead silent. Andrew continued carding his hands through Neil’s hair, uncaring, yet Neil found himself glaring daggers at Aaron. Another pillow then flew across the room and hit Aaron in the face the second he looked back at his phone. </p><p>“Andrew. What the hell?” Aaron yelled. </p><p>“Oh, no. That one was me,” Neil said. </p><p>“Fuck off, Josten,” Aaron responded and Neil couldn’t help but smirk. </p><p>“Renee?” Nicky asked in a pitch much higher than his usual. </p><p>“Never have I ever shoplifted,” she said. Aaron, Neil, Andrew, and Dan took a drink. Neil wasn’t very surprised. “Kevin. Your turn.” Neil was surprised that Kevin didn’t look more drunk, yet that was when he noticed the soda in his hand. Neil hadn’t thought that he was serious about cutting back on the alcohol. </p><p>“Never have I ever been arrested,” Kevin said. Every single person around the room but Nicky took a drink. </p><p>“You’re kidding me? We are all fucking crimials,” Dan said, placing her shot back on the table. “Matt? What did you do?” </p><p>“Drugs,” Matt responded and Dan’s face turned into the dark expression that it always did when someone said something like that. Neil had gotten accustomed to that expression his first year at PSU. “I’m more curious to ask what Renee did.” Everyone looked at Renee and Neil could tell that she didn’t want to tell them. He had gotten good at reading Renee’s looks because she hung out with Andrew a lot. </p><p>“Something I don’t regret but something I have to live with,” Renee said and everyone took that as the dismissal it was. </p><p>“Well. I don’t even want to know what you did, Neil,” Matt said and Neil just shrugged. </p><p>“I got arrested after my mom died but I managed to escape before actually going to jail, so I don’t know if that counts,” Neil said. People looked at him like he was insane. Neil was also used to that look after talking about his life before the Foxes, and they didn’t even know the half of it. </p><p>“Ok,” Nicky said, breaking the small silence that followed. “Aaron. Your turn.” Neil snorted as Aaron physically dragged his eyes away from his phone. </p><p>“Never have I ever questioned my sexuality,” Aaron said. Nicky groaned at him before taking a drink. Everyone but Neil and Dan took a drink. </p><p>“Neil?” Dan asked. “You’re in a relationship with Andrew.” </p><p>“Really?” Neil asked. “I didn’t notice.” Dan shot him a playful glare. “I never had time to think about that while on the run.” </p><p>“No, we know that,” Matt said. “You’ve had more head-space this past year, though. Has the question ever crossed your mind?” </p><p>“I guess it has but not for long.” Everyone looked at him like he should continue, so Neil said what he thought. “I’m not even confused about my sexuality, I just don’t really give a shit.” Neil wondered why he always brought the conversation to a screeching halt for something that seemed so natural to him. “Dan, your turn.” </p><p>“Ok,” she said, understanding his shift. “Never have I ever gotten my face stuck between burglar bars.” </p><p>“Really, Dan?” Matt said, clearly annoyed as he took a drink. </p><p>“You’re kidding,” Allison said. </p><p>“Hey. It was years ago at an amusement park. Back off,” Matt murmured. </p><p>“Tell me you’ve got pictures of that,” Neil said and grinned as Matt glared back at him. </p><p>“I am more surprised that no one else here has done that,” Matt said. </p><p>“Good try, Matt. You’re not getting out of this one.” Dan smirked. </p><p>“My turn,” he then said loudly, sparking a laugh from a few of the Foxes. “Never have I ever sent an inappropriate text to a family member that was supposed to be to a partner.” Renee and Allison both took a drink. </p><p>“Spill,” Nicky said and Renee looked sheepish. </p><p>“I went to send a text about sharing a hotel room with a single bed - give or take a few colorful embellishments - and sent it to my mom by mistake,” Renee said and half of the room laughed. “While she was at church.” The rest of the room broke out in laughter. Even Aaron looked up at that. Allison just shrugged. </p><p>“I sent a text saying that I wanted to impregnate Renee with my fingers to my dad,” Allison said and Renee’s ears turned bright red but Neil noticed the small smile across her lips. </p><p>“That’s how you chose to come out?” Renee asked, looking over her shoulder at Allison. </p><p>“The timing seemed right,” Allison said and Renee snorted a laugh. The whole room was stunned. </p><p>“Congratulations,” Kevin sputtered out. </p><p>“Neil?” Renee asked and Neil waved a hand. </p><p>“Skip me,” he said. She nodded and looked up at Andrew who just stared back like he didn’t give a shit. </p><p>“Back around?” Renee asked. “Kevin, why don’t you start.” </p><p>“Ok,” Kevin said. “Never have I ever said ‘I love you’.” Neil took a drink, smiling at the thought. Everyone else but Aaron in the room took a drink. Neil then felt Andrew’s hand leave his hair. He turned his head in question only to see Andrew taking a drink. Neil stared at him. </p><p>“Shut up,” Andrew said and Neil felt a grin break across his face. “I hate you.” </p><p>Neil knew that Andrew had never told Neil that he loved him with the exact words, yet he always thought that Andrew said it in every other way. The keys, the kisses, the protection, the ‘I hate you’s. Neil just never thought that he would ever admit it. Andrew then took two fingers and shoved Neil’s face away. </p><p>If anyone else had noticed they didn’t say anything. </p><p>And if Neil and Andrew ended up going to bed first yet staying up the latest, no one but them had to know. </p><p>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>welcome to back to the land of the living, my friend (Eminem lyric for the stans out there. i am a stan, if that wasn't clear)</p><p>i hope you enjoyed my 7000 words of Foxes and Andreil<br/>i am back to my weekly posting</p><p>if you liked it, let me know!<br/>let me know thoughts, opinions, what the weather is like.</p><p>thank you so much for reading! </p><p>im out</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. next up forever</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>TW: violence, mentions Neil's past abuse, mild panic attack, explicit language.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ayo<br/>what's up my aftg chimps<br/>welcome to the final chapter of this fic (more on that at the bottom) </p><p>i would like to thank @Rollergirl25 for a beta on this chapter xx</p><p>i hope you like it</p><p>have a party<br/>see you down there</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Neil.” Andrew looked over at Neil when he woke up. It was a subtle wake-up, as per-usual; Neil sucked in a quiet breath before his eyes flickered open. </p><p>Andrew was picturing the worst options of what he just remembered. The list was endless. And as some might call him a pessimist but Andrew didn’t really give a shit about the people who were unwilling to accept reality as it was. It was their fucking minds that couldn’t handle it, not his and Neil’s. </p><p>“Yes,” Neil said. He didn’t look scared, though the only time Andrew had ever seen Neil look scared was when he was going to be turned over to witness protection and when someone brought up his father. Yet even then it was subtle and Andrew doubted that anyone else had been able to notice. </p><p>Andrew simply locked eyes with Neil, waiting for him to talk if he wanted to. </p><p>“You hate me,” Neil said with a sly grin on his face. It took Andrew a few seconds before he had a couple guesses as to what Neil was referencing. “We are very skilled with knives.” </p><p>Then it clicked. Andrew raised an eyebrow. Neil stared at him. </p><p>“How far did that go?” Andrew asked.</p><p>“Through the night after <em> Never Have I Ever </em>,” Neil said. Andrew didn’t try to hide his slight smirk. Neil, on the other hand, grinned like an absolute idiot. Andrew couldn’t blame him.</p><p>“Where’s Dan?” Neil asked.</p><p>“She went home,” Andrew said.  </p><p>“Fuck<em> , </em>” Neil mumbeled. Andrew slightly knocked his head to the side in silent question. “I remember her now. Maybe not all of her, but I remember that night. Which means that I know at least one thing about all of them.” Andrew had never understood Neil’s obsession with the Foxes, yet Neil would have known to call him out on that. </p><p>“I’ll be back,” Andrew said and Neil passed him an odd look. Andrew held up his phone in response on the way out the door, not letting himself turn around and see the expression on Neil’s face.</p><p>Andrew walked into the hallway and looked down at his phone before subsoncouly dialing Dan’s number. She didn’t pick up and Andrew scowled as he searched for Matt’s contact. He hated calling people. </p><p>Matt, luckily, picked up on the second ring. </p><p>“What’s wrong with Neil?” Matt asked. Andrew glared at the phone and didn’t answer for at least a minute. “Andrew?” Could Boyd only speak in questions? </p><p>“No. It’s Aaron,” Andrew said. He counted about three seconds of silence. </p><p>“Fuck you, Andrew,” Matt said but there was no heat in it. </p><p>“Sorry, Boyd. I’m taken,” Andrew responded and he heard Matt’s laugh from across the line. Andrew hated how Neil managed to make him not despise socializing with Boyd. </p><p>“How are you? I know how much you love it when I ask you that,” Matt said. Andrew hummed in response. </p><p>“Where are you?” Andrew asked and he heard Matt talk to who he assumed was Dan. </p><p>“We’re about three hours from our place.” </p><p>“Turn around,” Andrew said. </p><p>“Ok,” Matt immediately responded. “Can I ask why?” </p><p>“Neil wants to talk to Dan.” Andrew waited a second. “And you.” </p><p>“We’ll be there in an hour.” He could practically hear the smile in Matt’s voice. </p><p>Andrew hung up and nearly ran into Kevin Day on his way back to the room. He stopped to look at Day and it sparked some bland interest in him. Kevin’s eyes were bloodshot, which meant that he had either not slept or he had been drinking. Andrew stared at him and waited to see if he felt the need to say anything that involved him or Neil. </p><p>“Andrew,” Kevin said. He had gotten pretty confident in the past years since he told the press about his ‘skiing accident’, then had to build that back up after Riko’s death. Andrew, though, didn’t have time for any of that. </p><p>“Spit it out, Day.” </p><p>“Ichirou called. He wants to know if Neil can play,” Kevin said. </p><p>It wasn’t bland interest anymore, was it. </p><p>Neither of them were stupid and Kevin didn’t need to say everything for Andrew to get his meaning. Ichirou was wondering whether he would need to arrange to kill Neil or not. </p><p>Too bad for him, though, was that Andrew had no intent on letting that happen. </p><p>“Anything else?” Andrew asked. </p><p>“Andrew-” </p><p>“Kevin,” Andrew said in a warning tone. </p><p>“He wants you to call him today or…” Kevin trailed off but Andrew was already turning away. He walked straight into Neil’s room and though Neil might have been oblivious when it came to any other emotion, he could read danger like the back of his hand. </p><p>Neil was up and out of the bed in seconds after looking at Andrew’s eyes. Andrew reached out and grabbed the hem of Neil’s shirt to get him to stop moving. </p><p>“What’s wrong?” he asked. Andrew let out a tense breath, just then was he realizing that Neil could possibly have no idea as to what he was talking about. </p><p>“Do you know who Ichirou is.” Andrew didn’t bother making it a sound like a question. He never did with Neil because they both knew that Neil was able to say ‘no’ if he wanted. Andrew had always hated uncertainty and he completely trusted Neil so he saw no value in it. </p><p>“What about him?” Neil asked. Andrew watched the slight fear settle behind Neil’s eyes. Other than that, Neil looked completely ready to take anyone for a fight. No one else would have noticed. </p><p>“What about your contract with him.” </p><p>“80% of what I make,” Neil said. </p><p>“And if you don’t.” </p><p>“He kills me.” </p><p>“You’re all caught up.” Andrew then pulled out his phone. </p><p>“Drew. What the fuck is worng?” Neil asked. </p><p>“He wants to know if you can play.” </p><p>“Let’s just go to an exy court.”</p><p>“Dr. Minyard said that you’re not allowed to play for another two weeks.” </p><p>“Ignore that,” Neil said. “Let’s just go.” Andrew couldn’t decide whether to he wanted to say ‘fucking junkie’ or ‘fucking idiot’. Both applied. </p><p>“Neil. You could injure yourself further and be out for longer. He wants a call today.” Neil took a breath and paused for a moment. Andrew knew how much the knowledge of whether he would remember how to play exy or not was freaking him out much more than his potential death. </p><p>As. Per. Fucking. Usual. </p><p>“So we call him?” Neil asked. Andrew nodded before flopping onto the bed. Neil got on next to him, lacking the grace that Andrew had clearly had. Andrew dialled the number Kevin had forwarded him, focusing solely on the movements and less on what was actually happening. </p><p>Less on the fact that Neil’s life was at stake. Andrew subconsciously knew that he would do whatever it would take to keep Neil safe. He also allowed himself to realize that would never change. </p><p>There was no point in thinking about it.</p><p>The phone rang once before connecting to an assistant. He asked for Ichirou and stated who he was. The assistant then asked him to hold while he spoke in Japanese to someone else. Andrew felt Neil tense. </p><p>Andrew snapped his head to the side and the panic behind Neil’s eyes was clear. Andrew should have been prepared for that to happen. There had been a reason as to why he and Neil avoided the language. </p><p>“Neil. You are not there. You are here and you are with me,” Andrew said in Russian. Neil took a shuddering breath but didn’t untense. “Yes.” Neil didn’t ask anything, but Andrew wanted to make sure Neil knew that he would be fine if he needed him. </p><p>Neil then ran his hand over Andrew’s arm before landing in his hair. Andrew made eye contact with him to make sure his mind wasn’t running itself into the ground. </p><p>“Stay with me, Junkie,” Andrew said, still in Russian. They had learned a long time ago that having a language just between the two of them easily grounded Neil. Andrew just liked being able to talk shit with Neil without anyone knowing what they were saying. They had learned Russian during Neil’s second year at PSU and Andrew had also picked up French while Neil was finishing up Russian. </p><p>It had bothered all of the Foxes, especially Nicky, but none of them were too surprised. It also pissed off their pro teams and reporters. People always thought that they were yelling angry things at each other across the court but little did everyone know that they were usually just talking about anything; that they had run out of ice cream, Renee and Allison were coming up for the weekend, Neil was an idiot, fuck you, they’re <em> your </em> cats not mine. </p><p>Andrew listened as Neil took another breath when the call connected. </p><p>“My Lord,” Neil said by way of greeting. Andrew would have thought that the name was stupid if Ichriou didn’t have the power to kill both of them with a glance. </p><p>“Josten,” Ichirou responded. “How are you?” </p><p>“Much better.” Andrew saw a fire light behind Neil’s eyes. He wasn’t scared, he was angry.  </p><p>“So you can play?” Ichirou asked, right to the point. </p><p>“Two weeks,” Neil said. Andrew watched that fire grow. </p><p>Ichirou didn’t respond. </p><p><em> Fuck. </em>Andrew felt the overwhelming need to take Neil and pull him behind him. Andrew then felt the lightest brush of fingers on the back of his hand and Neil linked their fingers together. Even without half of his fucking memories, Neil could still read Andrew. </p><p>They both stared at the phone.</p><p>“That’s not going to work,” Ichirou said and Neil tightened his hand. “Do you really expect me to go two weeks without getting paid?” </p><p>“But-” Neil got cut off.</p><p>“For someone who we still don’t know can even remember how to play?” Ichirou continued like Neil hadn’t even spoken. </p><p>Andrew hated fear. He hated feeling scared. Feeling out of control. </p><p>“I can play,” Neil said through clenched teeth. </p><p>“That is untrue to our knowledge. Tell Jean and Kevin that I say ‘hello’.” Andrew could feel his life slipping through his fingers. “Other than that,” Ichirou said, “I think my business is done here.” </p><p><em> No </em>. </p><p>“I will grant you week to get your affairs in order before I send someone-” </p><p>“Wait,” Andrew said. Neil stilled and stared at him. Andrew knew that anyone else in the room would have flinched at the anger in his voice. </p><p>“Minyard, I presume,” Ichirou said. He clearly sounded annoyed. Andrew almost rolled his eyes.  </p><p>“Yes,” Andrew said. He had no fucking clue as to what he was doing but he knew that he would do anything before he let someone touch Neil. And that was what he was going to do. </p><p>“Do you have a reason for wasting my time?” Neil tapped him on the shoulder and shook his head. </p><p>“What if I gave you 80% of my salary?” Andrew asked. Apparently <em> that </em> was what he was doing. Neil’s eyes widened. </p><p>Ichirou didn’t respond.</p><p>Andrew looked at Neil. There could very well have been someone on their way to kill them at that moment or Ichirou was just thinking. Andrew wasn’t going to give in that easy.</p><p>“I’m sure you know how much I make and you know that I will play until I can’t anymore. Transfer Neil’s debt to me and I will pay it.” Neil was looking at Andrew like he couldn’t believe what he was doing. He was also repeatedly mouthing ‘no’ at Andrew. He looked like he wanted to punch him. </p><p>Neil was Andrew’s to lose. </p><p>Andrew had very little to that day that he had, consciously or not, allowed himself to want. Andrew wanted him. Neil was <em> his to lose. </em>Andrew didn’t know when Neil was going to get that through his idiot head. </p><p>“Fine,” Ichirou said. It took a second for Andrew to make sure he heard him right. </p><p>“Fine?” Andrew asked. </p><p>“I would not suggest asking me again, Minyard. What is needed to be done will be sent to you within the next two days along with a contract for Day’s team.” Andrew had no clue as to how he knew so much fucking information. </p><p>“Ok,” Andrew said. </p><p>“Congratulations on the engagement. Farewell,” Ichrirou said before the line went dead. Did they really just have a conversation about killing Neil within the week that ended with ‘congrats’?  </p><p>Neil hadn’t moved yet, so Andrew knew that was coming. He closed his phone and put it back in his pocket. </p><p>“What the <em> fucking </em>hell was that, Andrew?” Neil asked, clearly pissed and in Russian. Andrew turned to look at him. “I can’t believe you just did that.” </p><p>“As far as I’m concerned, we are both alive,” Andrew responded. </p><p>“Andrew. You just made yourself indebted to the fucking Japense mafia,” Neil said. Andrew just looked at him. </p><p>“Neil.” </p><p>“No, Andrew. I’m not taking shit from you on this. I’m not letting you sell your life to the Moriyamas. Where’s my phone?” Neil started to look around the bed. </p><p>“Neil,” Andrew said and Neil just continued looking. “<em> Neil. </em>” He didn’t look up. “Yes or no?”</p><p>“Yes,” Neil answered without thinking about it. Andrew reached forward and grabbed both of Neil’s hands and put them in his lap. Andrew then turned so he was sitting in front of Neil. </p><p>“Are you listening?” Neil was looking at Andrew like he was pissed. Andrew didn’t let go of his hands. </p><p>“Yeah,” he mumbled. </p><p>“I did not sell my life to them,” Andrew said. </p><p>“Drew-” </p><p>“I wouldn’t have a life if they killed you, Neil,” Andrew said. Neil finally looked at him. Really <em> looked </em>at him. He knew that Neil would get what he wasn’t saying. </p><p>“I thought you told me that I couldn’t be a fucking martyr? It’s not fair to you, Drew. I’m not letting you do this.” </p><p>“It’s fairer than Ichirou’s way,” Andrew said. </p><p>“They will get you into so much shit.” </p><p>“And we will deal with that when it comes.” Neil scowled. </p><p> “Let me do this-” </p><p>“I’m not going to let them kill you,” Andrew said. Neil looked like he wanted to drive his hand through the wall. Andrew understood that. “Would you let them kill me?”</p><p>“Drew.” </p><p>“Neil.” </p><p>“You know I wouldn’t,” Neil said, completely serious. Andrew had known that for years. </p><p>“Then let me do the same.” They were silent for at least a minute. </p><p>Neil then leaned forward, slowly, waiting for Andrew to pull away. Andrew didn’t and leaned into the kiss. It was slow, powerful, and grounding. Neil pulled away and put their foreheads together. Andrew grabbed the back of his neck and rubbed his thumb up and down the edge of his jaw. </p><p>“You just really want to get married, don’t you?” Neil asked. </p><p>“There’s still a chance I’ll kill you before the wedding night,” Andrew said. He could feel Neil smile. </p><p>“What makes you think I would let you?” </p><p>“I took your exy racket. It won’t matter. I’m going to hit you over the head with a fire extinguisher.” Neil snorted.</p><p>“Like we actually have one of those in the apartment.” Neil wasn’t wrong, despite it probably being a guess. </p><p>“I’d buy one for this,” Andrew said. </p><p>“Then I’m taking you with me. There’s no way I’m going by myself after being with you for this long.” </p><p>“And where would that be.” </p><p>“Six feet under.” Andrew slightly smirked. They breathed in each other's air for a few minutes before Neil spoke again. </p><p>“Where are we getting the rings?” he asked. Another voice then shouted from outside the open door to the room. </p><p>“Pay up bitches,” Allison shouted, all catty. Neil looked at Andrew before a splitting grin broke across his face. Andrew rolled his eyes in response. Renee had told him that they were betting on them and it didn’t take a genius to figure out what the bet was for. Andrew just hadn’t known that they were listening. </p><p>“You did not get fucking engaged without telling me,” Nicky yelled from the hallway. Neil quickly hopped out of bed. “I cannot even fucking believe you, Neil. And Andrew. What the hell-” </p><p>Andrew snorted as Neil closed the door to the hospital room and locked it just before Nicky was about to walk in. Nicky pouted and continued shouting but Neil shrugged as if the asshole was actually sorry for what he had just done. </p><p>“Hey Drew?” Neil asked and Andrew turned to look at him, ignoring every single Fox crowding the glass to their room. “Why?” he asked. “That wouldn’t change anything. I’m going to marry you no matter what, Andrew. Why, though? Is there a reason or do you just feel like it?” Neil smirked at the last part as Andrew rolled his eyes. Andrew knew that he didn’t need to respond if he didn’t want to and Neil wouldn’t fault him for it.</p><p>“90% of it is because I was only allowed in your room six hours ago, five punches, two knife threats, and three police calls later.” Andrew watched as Neil got over the most of that fairly quickly for someone with a concussion - count on his fucking runner to be able to plow through a concussion that should have killed him. </p><p>“What about the other ten percent?” Neil asked. </p><p>“Full fucking circle,” Andrew said and stared unimpressed at Neil’s raised eyebrow. He knew that Neil bought absolutely none of it. “The other ten percent is because I hate you.” </p><p>“Oh, this again,” Neil said, rolling his eyes with a smile. </p><p>“Don’t blame me for having to start another percent because you fucking broke the laws of math.” </p><p>“I actually think your hatred for me did that.” </p><p>“The hatred is for you so initially it’s your fault,” Andrew said. </p><p>“But if we were in a zombie apocalypse and they only ate brains with hate, it would be yours, not mine. Hence the percent breaking was you.” <em> Full. Fucking. Circle.  </em></p><p>“If we were in a zombie apocalypse I would have already been prepared with equipment and gotten us away.” </p><p>“Equipment?” Neil asked. </p><p>“Yes. Like what they use in Attack on Titan because everyone knows that zombies aren’t good climbers.” </p><p>“So you know how to use omni-directional gear. You have this all planned out?” Neil asked, smile drawn across his face.</p><p>“Of course. I’m captain Levi and you’re Mikasa,” Andrew said. </p><p>“Why am I Mikasa?” </p><p>“There’s no way you’re Armin because you’re not that smart,” Andrew responded and Neil shoved his shoulder. Andrew released what only Neil would know as his laugh. “Mikasa is a badass, Neil. Calm the fuck down. Just ignore the background shit.”  </p><p>“Fine. I’ll take her,” Neil said. “How far do you have this planned out? Who is Kevin?” </p><p>“What the fuck makes you think Kevin is coming?” Andrew asked and Neil just looked at him. “Eren.” Neil scowled.</p><p>“Renee?” </p><p>“Riko,” Andrew said. </p><p>“I agree with that,” Neil said and Andrew looked at him challengingly. Neil smiled into the kiss. His hands came to rest on the back of Andrew’s neck and Andrew ran his under the bottom of Neil’s shirt. Andrew pulled Neil’s bottom lip between his teeth as he pulled away. </p><p>“You do realize what this whole marriage thing means, right?” Neil asked. “It means that we are officially together and you’ll have to put up with me forever.” </p><p>“Didn’t know that. I take it back,” Andrew said and Neil rolled his eyes. </p><p>“You’re so dramatic,” Neil said. “We’re getting married,” Neil mumbled against his lips. </p><p>“I did propose,” Andrew said and the way Neil was looking at him was too much. It was too fucking much. “Shut up.” </p><p>“You hate me,” Neil said. </p><p>“I do,” Andrew said into the next kiss. Andrew hadn’t thought that his odds in life would allow for him to have something like that. He was clearly fucking wrong.</p><p><br/>
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  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>my aftg chimps, i would like to thank you all for reading </p><p>...so<br/>i have a burning passion to write an andreil wedding, thoughts? would that be something ya'll are interested in? yes or no? ;) let me know in the comments.<br/>if so, i would either add it to this fic or make it a oneshot (though idk if i'm capable of writing a oneshot - possibly two or three chapters)</p><p>thank you again for reading. i really loved writing this and i also loved all of your comments and support  </p><p>a n y w a y<br/>let me know if you liked it.<br/>let me know your thoughts.</p><p>talk to you soon<br/>ayo, im out</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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